


MRPP

by itsallbachsfault



Series: Peter Pettigrew Doesn't Exist [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Asexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, F/M, Gay Remus Lupin, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Minor Character Death, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 06:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14562678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallbachsfault/pseuds/itsallbachsfault
Summary: The full effect of Peter Pettigrew’s nonexistence cannot be fully comprehended. However, just as the twitch in a butterfly’s wings can turn into a hurricane, a cyclone in the middle of the ocean goes unnoticed by those on distant shores. This story follows the other Marauders through their years at Hogwarts, watches them grow around a rat-shaped hole. This story posits that James’ arrogance didn’t have the opportunity to flourish from the awed worship with which Peter trailed behind him. Sirius’ fear of his family didn’t morph into vicious hatred for all Slytherins, propped up by Peter’s longing to be superior to someone in the eyes of his friends. Remus didn’t break off with Peter, the other more reserved personality in the group, and instead formed closer bonds with James and Sirius. The Gryffindor girls, including Lily Evans, didn’t give as wide of a berth to the meddlesome group of boys in the absence of a creepy Peter that had been caught early on trying to peep at them.In the coming years, the absence of Peter Pettigrew would cause ripples beyond these three boys. The question is left to be answered whether this absence had a net-positive effect.





	1. First Years: Everyone Learns (The Hard Way) That James Potter is a Prankster

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been completed, if not proof-read by someone other than myself. Warnings, if there are any, will be in the notes at the end of each chapter

“Sirius Black”  
  
When he walked into Hogwarts, Sirius had been instantly enchanted. The moving staircases had him practically bouncing on his heels, it was like this magical place was alive! He would feel like an idiot, gaping at everything, except all the first years had the same expression. Entering the Great Hall was on the next level, though. The ceiling… the sky! It was fantastic! He refused to take his eyes off it. He spent the welcoming speeches with his head tilted up, delighting in finding shapes in the clouds overhead. He felt like he was up there with them.  
  
But when his name was called, Sirius was very sharply tugged back down to earth. He'd nearly forgot that he would even be sorted, that his last name didn't mean he wouldn't simply be guided immediately to the Slytherin table while everyone else sat under the hat.  
Dumbledore called his name, sorting hat held above a stool at the front of the hall. Apparently, thought Sirius, there was no one in his year with a surname beginning with A. The better to get it over with, he supposed. Tradition, legacy, ancestry, heritage et. al dictated he would be sorted green-and-silver like every member of the Great and Noble House of Black that came before him. Sirius pushed his way through the other children, surreptitiously glancing at the Slytherin table, who had quieted suddenly. They knew it. They were waiting for him. More than anything, he wished he could float away with the clouds overhead.  
  
As soon as the hat touched his hair, he heard it speak.  
“Ah, another Black, and so I’ll put you- Oh. Hmm. You’re not so straight forward, are you?” The question seemed rhetorical, so Sirius stayed quiet, biting his lip. Did this mean the hat took more than just family tradition into account? As if reading his mind (well, it was the sorting hat, maybe it had) he heard, “No, blood certainly isn’t everything, even if it’s the blood of the Noble House of Black.” Sirius sucked in a breath, and promptly came close to choking on it when the sitting hat continued, “I’ll have to put you in… GRYFFINDOR.”  
  
Sirius hopped off the stool once the hat had been lifted, and as he made his way towards the Gryffindor house table - _his_ house’s table!- his dropped jaw morphed into a broad grin, a shocked laugh. He could be himself, here at Hogwarts, and his parents couldn’t stop him. No one would be able to stop him from being exactly who he wanted to be. As he sat down, still grinning, he noticed his housemates' (his _housemates_!) tense shoulders drop, upon seeing his elated expression. He couldn’t wait to owl Regulus, and started composing his letter in his head, so he wasn’t paying attention to hear several names called up to the hat, including Lily Evans who was sorted into the same house. Eventually, he noticed a few students staring, realized he probably looked a little mad, grinning so much, so he tuned back into the sorting ceremony, just as Dumbledore called,  
  
“Remus Lupin”

\----  


Remus tried to remember, as he approached the talking hat, the advice he read in a book to help manage stage fright. Imagine you’re in nothing but your underwear? That couldn’t be right, that just made him _more_ nervous, was the hat going to know what he was imagining? Could the hat know about the bite on his leg?  
Remus sat down, as curious as he was nervous now, how does a werewolf get sorted? Would it announce his, um, condition, to the hall? Was it possible to tell the hat these things in advance? Had that been included in Dumbledore's ‘preparations’? It felt like there’d been a constant stream of unanswered questions ever since he got his Hogwarts letter: what were the brass scales for? Where was the school located? Where did one buy dragon hide gloves? How was he supposed to get to Platform 9 ¾? Were moving staircases really safe for a school? He wished he had the answer to even just one of the questions whipping through his head.  
  
The hat only touched his head for a moment (it still felt like hours) before abruptly announcing “GRYFFINDOR,” assuaging his worries. He found a seat next to the boy who had the misfortune of going first and introduced himself.  
“Hi, I’m Remus.”  
  
The boy smiled, “I know, they just called it out.” Well, the smile at least indicated he was probably just teasing, Remus thought. “I’m Sirius, in case you missed it.”  
  
The boy didn't stop smiling. It was a nice smile, excited and free and it was certainly helping him gradually calm down from the nerves that had come with sitting in front of the entire school. He did not know beforehand that the sorting ceremony involved being the focus of everyone's attention while wearing a funny hat. His nerves must still have been showing on his face, though, because the boy, Sirius, asked, “Were you worried you were going to get sorted into a different house?” It sounded as if this boy might relate to that.  
  
“No,” Remus replied, but then seemed to think on it- he was concerned he might not get sorted at all. “Well, sort of, maybe. I don’t actually know much about the different houses. Is Gryffindor good?”  
  
“Gryffindor’s the best!” was Sirius’ immediate response, and wasn't it strange that the students at their table within earshot seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief, “Way better than Slytherin. But what do you mean you don’t know the houses, didn’t your parents tell you about them?”  
  
“My parents didn’t go to Hogwarts,” said Remus, “well, I’m not sure about my dad.”  
  
“Where else would they go?” asked Sirius, confused. If the two boys hadn’t been discussing Remus’ parentage, they might have heard Dumbledore call Amelia Ollivander up to the hat (whose father, an odd man, had sold both of them their wands), immediately followed by James Potter, staying in alphabetical order. “Oh! Are you French? Did they go to Beauxbatons?”  
  
“No, I’m not French- wouldn’t I have some kind of accent?” Remus reasoned, “I don’t know where they went to school, but my mum can’t do magic so I don’t think it was Hogwarts.”  
  
Sirius’ jaw dropped, and Remus squirmed. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe he should have just said his parents had gone to Bo- beu- that other school. Now the first student he met was looking at him funny, and he didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, another boy sat down across from him and stuck out his hand, with his chin up, to introduce himself.  
  
“James Potter,” he said, looking far too confident for it to be _his_ first day of school too, thought Remus.  
  
“That’s Remus”, Sirius chimed in before he could reply, “His parents are muggles!” This got Remus to turn away from James. What did he just call his mum?!  
  
James looked surprised, then glared. Sirius seemed shocked at his own words.  
  
“I mean, I think it’s cool, it’s not bad, _I_ don’t think it’s bad, just because I’m a Black doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with- with someone with muggle parents!”  
  
Remus, even though he would have liked to hear more of Sirius calling him a friend, asked, “What does muggle mean?”  
  
James turned from glaring at Sirius to politely answer, “It means someone who can’t do magic. That’s all. It’s _not_ an insult.” And he shot Sirius another pointed look. Sirius’ expression actually looked a bit embarrassed.  
  
“Oh,” said Remus, “well, I suppose my father could have been magic. I never met him.” Remus preemptively tensed, jutting out his chin almost unconsciously. This was typically the point at which the children from his previous schools would ask questions, like how come he only has a mum, as if his mum was ‘only’ anything.  
  
James Potter still had his hand out though, so he shook it- and jumped half a foot in the air when he felt a shocking, buzzing sensation in his hand. James starting cracking up, and Sirius was looking at both of them like they were crazy, at least until James showed them the buzzer sitting in his palm.  
  
The sorting ceremony finished and food appeared magically at the table. As students began piling food onto their plates, Sirius rather loudly insisted that it didn’t matter to _him_ if Remus’ father was a muggle, or a centaur, or anything else for that matter. Remus wondered if centaurs were really real- and immediately rolled his eyes at himself. If werewolves and dragons were real, centaurs certainly could be. Potter caught his eye and rolled his own as well, as if sharing in the amusement from Sirius’ declaration.  
  
Remus thought, with a shy smile, that making two friends on his first day at Hogwarts was a major accomplishment.

\----  


“Severus Snape,” Dumbledore called out.  
  
Severus had watched Lily bounce over to the Gryffindor table with a sinking feeling in his chest. This feeling contrasted so sharply with how he had felt meeting her at Platform 9 ¾. Though they had talked about it all summer, it was made so much more real when they were figuring out how to get to the train together, as best friends even through discovering they could do magic. Magic! An entirely new world was out there and Severus was getting thrown into it much like when a boy had pushed him into a pool when he was younger: fully clothed, and without having learned to swim. But then Lily had been there, she called over to the lifeguard and he at least learned to tread water that day. He could do this, with Lily here. He felt like he could face down a troll if he had Lily there facing it with him. A new school, new classmates, new classes, _magic_!- bring it on, he’d thought on the train. They’d conquer it all together.  
  
Now, though- his stomach practically churned with fear. He was suddenly absolutely certain that they would not be sorted into the same house. The other first years that had thus far been sorted into Gryffindor were not like him. Even Lily, as close a friend as she was, differed in ways that were apparently more important than he could have possibly known.  
  
They -the Gryffindors- all seemed to have a certain gravitas about them. The kind that made others in a crowd part to make way for them, that made someone look to them for guidance. The only situation in which Severus could imagine someone asking him for guidance was if someone literally bumped into him and asked directions to the nearest loo. What’s more, many of them, these Gryffindors, all seemed blissfully unaware of the magnetic effect they had on others; Lily certainly was, in all the time he’d known her. The only exception he saw was a boy, Lupin, Remus Lupin. Lupin seemed all too aware of the way the other kids hovered around him, almost supernaturally sensing there was something different about him. Yes, Lupin noticed, but rather than flaunt about with a big head because of it (like James Potter seemed to do) the boy acted as if it was an unfortunate burden to which he had resigned himself.  
  
Severus was not someone that caused the crowds to part. He wasn’t a follower, but he had spent his life so far ensuring that he wasn’t noticed unless it was to purposely distract- much the way a muggle ‘magician’ (more like a clown) would wiggle his fingers about flamboyantly so that you didn’t notice the scarves up his sleeves. It wasn’t something that came naturally to him, that sort of confidence, but he could learn to fake any sort of attitude if he thought it might be useful. Confident swagger could be useful, but it certainly wasn’t a permanent trait. Confidence, insecurity, they were both just tools to use against other people.  
  
Given all of this, Severus was not particularly unprepared for when the hat called out “Slytherin!” after very little deliberation. He calmly took his seat, sure that his face did not betray his (albeit unsurprised) disappointment. Of course, Lily knew him though, and she caught his eye since there was no one sitting in the seat across from her. She gave him a discrete thumbs-up and mouthed ‘stop worrying, you’ll be fine.’ At his blank stare, she rolled her eyes, and then he couldn’t quite suppress a small smile. Maybe this wasn’t so dramatic as the ceremony to the sorting implied. He could stand sitting at different tables for today, him and Lily would still be facing this new world together, without a doubt.

\----  


James thought, with a cocky grin as his plan unfolded, that rigging a bucket of water to dump over Professor Dumbledore’s head as he entered the classroom was a major accomplishment.  
Unfortunately, Dumbledore didn’t agree, and saw his grin for the admission of guilt it was. Turns out he had no quarrel with giving a detention to a first year during the first week of classes; James thought there really should be some kind of grace period. No one is supposed to learn anything the first week anyway, right? And he’s just trying to make the introductory syllabus lectures less boring.  
  
Sirius was waiting for him after he got out, and that made James feel quite special, like he was important. “You really ought to work on your poker face, mate. And where’d you get that idea with the bucket anyway?”  
  
“My dad’s friend has a telly-thing. We were over there a lot over the summer, I got to watch a lot of muggle shows while they did boring adult stuff.”  
  
Sirius’ eyes widened, “Your parents let you use muggle appliances?”  
  
“Sure, I mean, a lot of my dad’s friends are muggle-born. He doesn’t care if I tag along with him to their houses, and some of them have got tons of muggle stuff lying around. I got _loads_ of ideas for pranks from watching those shows! And no one here- well, maybe the kids with muggle family members- will suspect them! Guess that means we’ll have to target mostly purebloods for now, until we can get more creative with our magic. That’s the only reason I’m going to bother paying attention in Potions, honestly.”  
  
“We?” Sirius asked, smiling.  
  
“Yeah, we. You stuck around to get me after detention and you clearly want to help with my next plan. We are officially unbreakable brothers, for life.” With that very serious statement, he spit into his hand and held it out for his friend to shake. Sirius wondered if this was a muggle ritual that he also saw on a telly. Even though it had been a whim on his part to wander by the classroom James had been serving detention on his way to dinner (that was a lie- he hadn’t made any other friends yet, the rest of Gryffindor was still wary, and confused about there being a Black in their house, and he wasn’t going to sit alone when it was still the first week) Sirius could tell James meant what he said. Sirius spit into his own hand and took James’, and oddly his brother by blood, Regulus, didn’t pass through his thoughts.  
  
“You know,” Sirius said as they continued into the Great Hall, “Slytherin has the largest number of purebloods…”  
  
Remus approached the boys’ usual spot in the dining hall, where James and Sirius were already seated, with justified trepidation.  
  
“Potter, last time you directed that smile in my direction, I was mildly electrocuted.” James simply smiled fondly at the memory.  
  
“We’re going to prank the magic beans out of the Slytherins!” Sirius shared, practically bursting with this news. Remus considered, he supposed he’d at least see what it was like, being in on one of these plans and not the victim of one. Maybe it would help him learn to recognize these plans too, if he ever was to be the intended target again.

\----  


Lily was trying very hard not to laugh. Really, what those boys had done, Potter-Black-and-Lupin, it was needlessly vindictive. She knew the three of them had been up to something all week from Lupin’s vaguely guilty face and Black and Potter’s matching maniacal smiles. She didn’t know what it would be, but it was rather obvious that morning. Frankly, she thought, smothering a giggle, it was _dangerous_. She knew neither Potter or Black had muggles in their family, they grew up totally surrounded by the wizarding world; as a consequence, a lot of ‘muggle’ things (and she often pondered the linguistic roots of that particular word) were not at all familiar to them, like hair dye. Hair dye had chemicals like bleach in it, and bleach was dangerous; she should be concerned, angry even, that those boys would thoughtlessly expose an entire house to such a dangerous chemical. She didn’t know Lupin well, really, but she suspected that he was the only reason this particular prank went off so smoothly.  
  
It was a bit of culture shock, if she was honest, to realize so many things she took for granted as universally part of every-day life were completely foreign to many of her peers, and when she tried to explain them, they thought these very common things were silly or strange. She stopped trying to explain fairly quickly; she didn’t want them to think _she_ was silly or strange.  
  
What _was_ silly, and quite strange, was seeing her best friend Severus with Slytherin-green hair.  
  
“Don’t you dare say a word, Lily.” Lily firmly pressed her lips together and stared very pointedly away from Severus’ head.  
  
“I wasn’t going to! Really, I don’t approve of this sort of thing. I promise, I glared at them all through charms. Well, Potter and Black anyway. I think I heard Lupin was sick.” Come to think of it, she hoped he wasn’t suffering any effects from the bleach. It would be just desserts, and he would likely think twice about trying something like it again, but it still wouldn’t sit well with her. Especially since Potter and Black were fine, and they were likely the real instigators for the whole ordeal.

\----  


Participating in the prank planning did, in fact, give Remus some immunity, albeit with a cost. He was truly sorry he didn’t get to witness the sea of green hair himself at breakfast the day after the full moon. He could hear a handful of students complain to Madam Pomfrey on the other side of the curtain from where he lay in bed, dressings on the scratches that will certainly scar covering his arms  
  
“Now you’ve served detention with us, Remus. We are officially unbreakable brothers, for life.” James spit in his hand and stuck it out for him to shake, as soon as he’d returned to the dorms. After carefully checking there was nothing in James’ palm, (fool him once) Remus spit as well, and James pressed their palms together. Best not mention to his mother he’d joined a gang, he thought.

\----  


Sirius’ assignment for The Plan (author: James Potter) was to distract Professor McGonagall while said author slipped Henry Longbottom’s toad in her desk. Remus thought they were mad, McGonagall was _terrifying_ \- and so he had excused himself from this adventure.  
  
“Professor, what’s it like being an Animagus?” She wouldn’t resist an opportunity to teach, would she? Sirius thought.  
  
“It is much the same as being anyone else, Mr. Black. An Animagus isn’t the same as other magical creatures who shift forms, as we remain witches or wizards in mind regardless of our body. You cannot become an Animagus from a bite, by birth, or with just a simple spell or potion; I was a witch first, I still am, a witch who took considerable time and effort to become an Animagus.”  
  
“How do you become an Animagus, then?”  
  
“Being an Animagus is a serious responsibility and a heavy undertaking, Mr. Black. Only after years of diligent study, deep introspection and meditation was I able to achieve it.” Sirius heard a hint of pride from the usually emotionless young professor, but before he could inquire further, he saw James out of the corner of his eye giving him The Signal, his assignment was complete.

\----  


Already by Christmas holiday, Dumbledore would pause mid-step whenever he saw James Potter unexpectedly. He had learned that if that boy was present somewhere at a time and place he wasn’t usually there, it often meant that very soon he would find a purple-slimed slug in his shoe, or a finger trap in his pocket, or, once, a ticklish prickly thistle _in his beard_. Minerva had taken to preemptively assigning detention to the boy, or boys, if his friends Black and Lupin were around and looking equally suspicious. But Dumbledore would never want to put the punishment before the crime. Once, he found a tack sitting on his chair. It was very obviously Mr. Potter, though his face wasn’t quite as much of an open book as it had been at the start of the year. He gave the boy detention yet again, but not for the tack; for the abysmal lack of any creativity, originality and intelligence. Dumbledore both hoped and dreaded that Mr. Potter would learn his lesson.

\----  


It was nearing the end of the school, year, and Sirius sat at the dining table with quill and parchment before him, owl beside him. That’s how Remus and James found him, shoulders sagged, a faint frown on his face.  
  
“Writing sonnets for Frigid Bridget, Sirius?” James teased.  
  
“Don’t call her that, she just hates you because you always try to cheat off her in Herbology,” Remus elbowed him.  
  
“Only because you don’t let me cheat off you.” Remus rolled his eyes, and they each sat on either side of Sirius.  
  
“What are you working on, Sirius? Homework?” Sirius gave Remus an incredulous look.  
  
“No,” he said, “trying to figure out how to tell my parents I’m running away and that they will never see me again.”  
  
Remus and James exchanged at least five different looks over Sirius’ head which was still staring straight ahead. Both of them were completely lost on what to say. After another few moments of subtle motions between them ( _you_ say something, no, _you_ say something), Remus spoke up, “…Never again?”  
  
Sirius shrugged, his shoulders drooping farther forward. “They hate me, say that the sorting hat made a mistake. They want me to be re-sorted. Over the summer they want to show me ‘what being a pureblood really means’.”  
  
James flinched. “Maybe if you had Dumbledore talk to them? He seems to know a lot about how the sorting hat works.”  
  
“Tried that.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Where will you go? If not home.” Remus gently prodded.  
  
Sirius shrugged again, not looking any less dejected. “Maybe I could stay here. Help out the house elves over the summer.” Remus’ brow creased in worry.  
James looked thoughtful. “Maybe you could stay with me over the summer,” as he said it out loud, the idea sounded even better, “Even though my parents had an arranged marriage, they don’t really like all that pureblood crap. They would probably want to help.” He slid the parchment aside from Sirius to him, took the quill and started scribbling a letter to his parents. Sirius sat frozen and silent until James rolled up the letter and gave it to the owl to fly to Mr. and Mrs. Potter. When the owl had flown off, he straightened up in his chair, his eyes shining with hope and a little salt water.  
  
“I promise I will be so much cleaner than I am in the dorm, I don’t have much stuff and I can probably give some of it to Reg- he could take my textbooks since he’ll be starting here in autumn. If I went ho- if I went back, they might not let me leave again, and I wouldn’t be able to come back to Hogwarts, they might send me Durmstrang and they would make me cut my hair,” _hiccup_ “would your parents make me cut my hair? Does your family have house elves, do they steal your stuff? I was able to keep my muggle books safe over Christmas, do you have hiding places in your house, can I- can I” Sirius’ breath hitched and he tried to stop a sob from escaping. He gave up trying when Remus and James both wrapped him in a hug.

\----  


To: Mr. Orion Black and Mrs. Walburga Black  
12 Grimauld Place  
18 June 1972  
  
This notice is to inform Mr. Orion Black and Mrs. Walburga Black (hereafter referred to as the parents) that Sirius Black (hereafter referred to as the client) will not be pressing charges at the time this document is being drafted (16 June 1970). The right of the client to press charges against the parents going forward remains intact, and evidence of mistreatment and abuse has been compiled and documented with full cooperation and testimonies from and by the client.  
  
To prevent further abuses that may invoke necessary legal action on the part of the client against the parents, the client will submit himself to the guardianship of Mr. Fleamont Potter and Euphemia Potter (hereafter referred to as the guardians). The client will take residence with the guardians and be accountable to the guardians’ household, until such time that the client reaches the legal age seventeen (17). Exceptions are the periods in which the client is attending Hogwarts, or on trips permitted in advance by the guardians or until the guardians have proved to be unsuitable for the role as described in Wizard Parent-Child Law, sec. 5a.  
  
The guardians ask that the parents do not initiate communication in writing, in person, by floo or any other form of communication direct or through a third party with the client except in a reply from the client directly. Any written correspondence addressed to the client from the parents will be subject to submission as evidence in any future legal action.  
  
Direct all necessary questions or concerns to the offices of Frostworth & Bergh Partners in Magical Law.  
  
Signed,  
Ragnhild Frostworth,  
Lawyer de Magia, for the Potter Family and Estate  
Partner of Frostworth & Bergh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:  
> implications of child abuse


	2. Second Years: Nothing is Wrong With Remus Lupin

Lily Evans slammed her book down on the table in the library, just barely missing James’ fingers.

“Hey! Watch- oh, Lily. What do you want?” James glared, mostly to hide that he was suddenly nervous. Why did Lily always have to look- like that? She looked all…nice. It made him _nervous_ , which was not nice at all, actually, he thought.

“You’re going to leave Sev well enough alone from now on!” Lily glared with even more force back at him, if glares could have force. If any glare could have force, it would be Lily’s, James thought.

“Snape? You his knight ‘n shining armor, then, Evans? He sent you to defend him, did he? Why doesn’t he fight his own battles instead of hiding behind you?”

“Severus doesn’t send me to do anything and he’s not hiding! He’s my friend, and he has done nothing to deserve being the victim of your stupid pranks,”

“He’s a Slytherin! How can you be friends with- ”

“- and if you don’t put a stop to you and your friends making trouble for him I will hex your hair green and silver for the entire Quiddich season!” Lily went on as if she hadn’t even heard him. They hadn’t learned any hexes, let alone hair-color changing hexes. They had relied on muggle dye for those sorts of pranks. James didn’t really doubt she could do it, tough.

“Oh yeah? Well,” James paused. He didn’t actually have a witty retort ready, Sirius was always better at that, and Lily just made him nervous, “well, Snape has a fat crush on you, you know! Probably writes Snivellous Evans on all his scrolls!” Lily didn’t not look appropriately shocked or insulted at the news of a Slytherin boy crushing on her. She did say they were just friends, right?

“At least some people express their feelings by acting kind and being a good listener, not by pulling pigtails and being a big bully!” Lily finished, snatching back her book and storming out of the library, leaving James with his brow furrowed. Wait, what did she mean? Was she saying that. That he.

Sirius walked up just then, “There you are! What was all that?” giving a glance towards Evans’ retreating figure.

“I think I like a girl,” James said, almost to himself, still looking puzzled.

Sirius screwed up his nose, “Ew. Mate, cooties. Anyway, I actually wanted to talk to you about Remus. You noticed how he gets sick practically every month? Do you think he’s alright?”

James realized he could deal with feelings later, preferably never, because right now his best friends were still important, and so he focused on what Sirius was saying.

\----

The next day at supper, however, James found himself once again across a table from Lily. Severus Snape was standing just behind her to the left, scowling, but not at Lily. More like at James’ plate, as if he was trying to wandlessly and wordlessly cast a poisoning spell on his food. Lily sat down, then looked back and up and Severus, and then there were several seconds of wordless communication with pointed looks before Snape huffed and sat down next to her. Remus walked into the dining hall just then, Sirius trailing behind him carrying what looked to be both his and Remus’ textbooks.

To give himself a moment to recover from the typical nervousness Lily caused – and the bit of jealousy that had sprouted during her and Snape’s silent conversation - James asked Remus, “What’s Sirius doing with your books?”

Remus shrugged, “He’s been weird all day, just offering to do things for me and handing me fruit. I’m hardly going to turn down this sort of service, I’ve wondered what it’s like to have my own house elf.”

“Hey!” said Sirius, indignant, “I’m just concerned you know, you were sick last week, maybe this way you can stay healthy for longer than a month!” Remus froze for a fraction of a second at that, but so briefly that James didn’t notice it.

“Hi Lily, Severus,” Remus said suddenly, “did we interrupt something?”

“Oi, Snape, you’re at the wrong table!” chimed Sirius.

Lily, pointedly ignoring Sirius, took that as her cue to explain to the boys, “As a matter of fact, I am extending an olive branch on behalf of all of you. This is an unnecessary distraction from my schoolwork that I feel can be easily worked out, and this prejudice between houses doesn’t help anyone. I’m not going to stop being friends with someone just because they didn’t get sorted into the same house,” at this, Snape’s scowl softened, “and I’m not going to let it stop me from making new friends either.” Lily’s father, a counselor, had said that it was important to use ‘I-statements’ when trying to manage a conflict. If that didn’t work, she thought, she could always try the more direct approach of banging heads together later.

There was no one there to egg on Sirius and James in their spite for Slytherins and Lily’s friend in particular. Remus, Sirius, and James were all very secure in their friendships with each other by now, well into their second year. There was no fourth boy that thought himself inferior, who felt just like a hanger-on, and who felt threatened by an intelligent wizard such as Snape as a maybe-replacement for him in this group.

Still, Sirius narrowed his eyes as he sat next to James. Severus raised an eyebrow at him, as if to dare him into some sort of confrontation.  
“Well, there is a reason we were sorted the way we were,” Sirius spoke up, “maybe we just aren’t supposed to get along.”

Lily rolled her eyes and elbowed Severus, who shot her a look that possibly meant something like ‘do I have to?’ With another sigh, he said to Sirius, “I think other Slytherins are unbearable too, you know. All stuck up and judgmental, and well, I’m judgmental, but not about the same things.”

At this, Sirius actually seemed to pause and think. A Slytherin who, maybe, wasn’t like his family? Who, maybe, didn’t look down on others that didn’t have the right ‘ancestry’? James still looked unhappy, but also unsure of what to do about it. He wanted Evans to sit with them, and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t get Evans without Snape.

Remus, who had sat down next to Sirius and had already dug into the food promptly, paused between bites, “Well, I certainly don’t mind you and Severus sitting with us. I wanted to ask you about Charms, actually, Lily. Last week I uh, missed a class, and these two are absolutely useless. Erm, good to see your hair back to its usual color, Severus.”

\----

Approximately three weeks later (and exactly 28 days since Remus was last ‘sick’, he was once again bedridden), Sirius joined Lily in watching the Gryffindor team practice. Though, ‘watching’ is a loose term, as Lily had a textbook in front of her and was only occasionally glancing up with passing interest.

“Evans- where’s Snape?” Sirius called, approaching the bench. Though the two boys had bonded, unexpectedly, over their shared distaste for Slytherin and pureblood pompousness, Lily and Severus were still best friends and it wasn’t often that you saw one without the other.

“When I invited him along I believe he said something like, ‘I’d prefer to repeatedly jab my wand into my own eye to watching Potter grip a broom.’ What brings you out here?”

Sirius appeared to think very carefully about what he was about to say -a rarity in itself, thought Lily- and hesitantly began, “Your parents are, um, non-magic folk, right?”

“Yes, Sirius. You can say muggles.”

“Do you, erm, get sick once a month?”

Lily narrowed her eyes, “Black, if this is the set up to some joke about menstruating you can shove-”

Sirius balked “NO! What, no, it’s _Remus_ , he’s- something is wrong with him, every four weeks he gets sick and I thought it might be a muggle-born thing, it was just a _question_ and James didn’t know but his family is as pure as mine so I thought you might have some sort of clue, not because you’re, you know, a _girl_ , plus unlike James you actually read a book once in a while, but just- never mind!” Sirius made to stand up after his rambling but Lily stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, I’m sorry. Remus is probably,” Lily paused, thinking carefully about Sirius’ observation. Every four weeks? “well, I think this is something you need to just let Remus tell you himself.” Pursing her lips, she added, “but if he does tell you, you should keep in mind that this is the same Remus you’ve known for over a year; he’s still your friend and you shouldn’t let something like this change anything.”

Now Sirius was confused. Was it not just an illness? “What’s wrong with him?”

“ _Nothing_ is wrong with him, Sirius, and you should never imply to him that there is!”

Sirius left Lily even more puzzled than when he had found her.

The following day Remus was up and about again. In Charms, Lily sat next to him before James or Sirius could, and slid him a small bottle. “Helps with cramps,” she whispered in his ear, and gave him a kind smile. Remus took the bottle even though he had no earthly idea what she was talking about.

\----

Remus’ friends were acting weird. Well, they were always weird, but they were acting weird around him, specifically. But this was Sirius and Lily, and usually it was Sirius and James, or Lily and Severus, that were in on some joke Remus hadn’t been made aware of yet. After the past two full moons (that couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?) Lily was extra nice to him, not that she was ever mean, and she distracted the other boys if they commented on his ‘illness.’ He supposed it was nice, but he just didn’t know why she would do that.

Sirius, on the other hand, had started making some pointed comments just before the full moon. Still very nice comments, though Sirius wasn’t usually so mature about his feelings.

“Remus, we’re always going to be friends, and I’d trust you with anything.”

“I wouldn’t care if you robbed Gringotts, Lupin, I’d still think you were cool.”

“I’ve unlearned a lot of prejudice since starting at Hogwarts, you know. I’m quite open-minded now.”

It was coming up on the third full moon since this odd behavior, and Remus wasn’t sure what he should do.

“Yes, Sirius, I think you have learned a good deal. Does this have anything to do with how much you’ve been talking to Lily?”

Sirius looked annoyed, as if Remus was intentionally missing his point. “I suppose in a way. She gave me some advice, about letting _someone_ just tell me what’s going on when they’re ready, making sure _someone_ knew that they would still be accepted no matter what, and that there’s nothing wrong with _someone_ , _someone_ is still our friend and it would be nice if _someone_ trusted me enough to say what went on every four weeks-” Sirius would have kept going for another twenty minutes if Remus hadn’t put his hand over his mouth; who knows what other observations he would have announced to the halls. “Mmph!”

“Ew! Did you lick my hand?” Remus uncovered Sirius’ mouth and wiped it on his robes. “Merlin, you’re obnoxious. But this isn’t some fun secret, Black, this is my life!”

“I know!” Sirius shouted, “That’s what I’ve been trying to show you! I’m trying to prove that you can trust me with your life!”

“Black, Lupin, please pause your lover’s quarrel to be continued another time and get to class,” Dumbledore’s voice made them both jump. Sirius looked like he wanted to say more, but Remus shot him a glance to say ‘later’, and they did as the headmaster said.

Both of them were quiet at dinner, which actually forced James and Severus to have an amicable conversation, discussing Potions to try to relieve the awkward tension in the group. They grew more animated until Severus eventually took out his text there at the table, started making notes in the margins with what he and James had learned through their independent studies. Severus had practiced recipes assigned in class until they were perfect, but James had experimented with a few unassigned pages in his conquest for the next prank and he had learned a lot from some very close calls.

Lily showed up only for dessert, clutching her stomach and looking surly. She leaned on Remus, mumbled quietly if he happened to have that bottle of pills she gave him. As it so happened he did, so he dug them out for her. She took a couple, scooped a slice of chocolate cake onto a plate and took it back with her in the direction of the dorms.  
James and Severus paused their conversation at her departure. “What do you suppose is wrong with Lily?” Potter asked the group.

Sirius looked uncomfortable. “Erm, nothing. Witch stuff, I think.” The boys all looked everywhere but each other for a second, before Snape huffed a laugh and then the tension had broken, they all giggled at their own awkwardness.

\----

After the full moon came, Remus pestered Madam Pomfrey until she let him go, even though normally he waited quietly for as long as she told him while checking that any scrapes, bruises and bumps were on the mend and easily hidden or explained. He immediately went to wait outside Sirius’ class, and pulled him back to the dorms as soon as he exited the room. Every time Sirius started to ask a question on the way Remus just hushed him.

“Sit down,” Remus said, shutting the door to their room.

“I thought you were supposed to be sick!” said Sirius, not sitting down.

Remus sighed, and tried to find his Gryffindor courage, looking everywhere but Sirius’ face. Making sure the room was empty, he told himself. He saw Sirius’ poster of a motorbike, James’ Wimbourne Wasps poster, his own calendar stuck to his dresser, which his friends had taken to writing in made-up holidays. Next Tuesday was supposedly ‘James Potter’s Annual Good Hair Day,’ (unlikely) and Wednesday was ‘Sirius Black’s Annual Bad Hair Day’ (equally unlikely). He was never so foolish as to actually _mark_ the day of the full moon, but it was still helpful to have the calendar as a visual reminder.

“I was sick, sort of, last night. The night of the full moon.” Glancing at Sirius, he still saw a blank expression on his friend’s face.

“Like I am every full moon.” He said, pointedly. Sirius’ brow creased in confusion.

“Because I’m a werewolf.” Remus clenched his fists at his sides and waited for a reaction. Sirius was silent, eyes wide and mouth catching flies.

Sirius thought maybe the jaw-dropping moments Hogwarts tended to inspire in him had ended with his first year, and now it seemed he was wrong. Did Remus just say werewolf? But this is Remus Lupin, quiet Remus, who isn’t very good at charms but tries very hard, who reads more muggle books than magic ones and that’s saying something, who selectively participates in James’ plans to prank Slytherins because he doesn’t want detention- he remembered his conversation with Lily:

_“This is the same Remus you’ve known for over a year; he’s still your friend and you shouldn’t let something like this change anything.”_

“You’re the same Remus I’ve known for over a year,” Sirius said, as if reciting something, “you’re still my friend and this doesn’t change anything.” Then he nodded, pleased with his delivery of the line.

An incredulous noise got caught in Remus’ throat, _doesn’t change anything?_ Remus thought, _does he really mean that?_

“Why did Lily get to know before I did?” Sirius interrupted his thoughts.

“ _Evans_ knows? How does she know? Who else figured it out?” Remus looked sharply at his friend sitting on the bed, who had raised his hands defensively.

“I don’t know, mate, just her, as far as I know,” he shrugged, “we were talking about you and it just sounded like she knew more than I did.” Remus chewed on his lip, mind buzzing with questions, was that why Lily had been so nice these past few months? She didn’t seem like the type of person that would feel sorry for him…and why had she taken those pills she’d given him?

\----

As the week went by, Sirius talked him around to telling the others about Remus’ ‘moon thing’, as Sirius called it. “You know James won’t care, he’s still figuring out how to care about things that aren’t about himself. Lily at least suspects and seems alright with it, and Severus would never disagree with Lily on anything.”

Remus had to admit he made some good points.

The conversation with James went even better than he’d hoped.  
“Alright. What time are you headed to dinner?” And that was that.

Severus was mostly annoyed that Remus had interrupted his studying for ‘something of so little consequence’. However, after dinner he elbowed Remus before heading back to Slytherin dorms, “Thank you for trusting me,” he said quietly, “and if you tell anyone I said that, they will never believe you.”

Lily’s was the most peculiar reaction.

“Lily, I’d like to tell you something. Something rather important, though you may already know what I’m about to say.”

“You know you can tell me anything, Remus, even if you’d just like practice saying it,” she gave a reassuring smile.

Remus took a breath, “I’m a werewolf.” Wow, that wasn’t half as terrifying as it was the first time. He was getting better at this. Maybe he would take up the offer to practice saying it out loud.

“You’re a werewolf.” Lily frowned, then closed her eyes and smacked her own forehead. “And I’m an _idiot_.”

“Sorry?”

“Oh, Remus, no, you’re fine, absolutely fine, I’m just- I’m the worst, I’m sorry. I appreciate that you feel you could tell me this. Erm, have you been taking those pills I gave you?”

“I’ve been meaning to thank you for them, actually. They help a lot, after the moon, with the soreness- but if you didn’t know, why did you give them to me?”

Lily looked- well, she looked a little embarrassed, which was unusual for her. “I uh, they’re just a general muggle pain reliever, maybe just don’t mention it.” Grasping for another topic, continued, “Hey, I think Sev and Jamie are finally starting to get along!”

“Jamie? Merlin, he’ll hate that. Please make sure Sirius is there when you call him that to his face.”

“Sure thing, _Remmy_ ” Lily’s grin only grew as her friend groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing in this chapter warrants a warning. (if I'm wrong lmk) 
> 
>  
> 
> This is sort of a respectful head-nod to the many trans!Remus fics out there, I salute you. I like to think Lily would think of that before she thought 'werewolf', being from a muggle family.


	3. Third Years: Severus Snape Solemnly Swears He’s Up to No (Well, Maybe Some) Good

James cornered Severus the second him and Lily were not in the same room. Exactly how the Gryffindor had gotten into the Slytherin common room, Severus hadn’t a clue, but he suddenly had a burning desire to know.

“Look, I like Evans as much as you do-”

“Do you _really_?” Severus tilted his head and glared daggers at Potter.

“-But she can be a bit of a stickler for the rules, you know. You’re a Slytherin, you don’t care about that stuff. So, help us out.” Severus had to concede the point, if Potter asked Lily to help with one of his plans, she would either flat out refuse, or immediately go to the closest Prefect or even a professor after she heard what it was. Would Lily judge him for being part of (and he’ll never say this phrase out loud on pain of death) a Potter Plan? His curiosity was rapidly winning out. James could see his indecision swaying his way and started to grin.

“There’s a lad. We’re trying to map out Hogwarts!” Severus fought the urge to roll his eyes. Well, he thought about fighting it, that must count for something, surely.

“That’s impossible, no one has ever done it.”

Potter just kept his grin. “Ah, but ‘no one has ever done it’ does not actually mean it’s impossible! It just means no one has done it _yet_.”

Gryffindors. Severus sighed. “I suppose Black is going to help? Is Remus opting to be sensible this time or is he in on this as well?”

“Sirius is helping me find secret passages, and he’s in charge of witty comebacks,” _Witty comebacks for a map?_ Severus raised his eyebrow but James didn’t notice, excitedly prattling about his idea, “and Remus is in charge of making everything to scale.” So, Remus has judged this Plan Worthy, Severus thought.

“Well, what use do you have of me?” He thought James might start jumping up and down, the way he was practically bouncing in excitement.

“Knew you couldn’t resist! You have to help with detection charms. What good is a map if just anyone could read it? Or if we run straight into Professor Dumbledore on the way to sneak into the kitchens?”

Though Severus wanted to sigh, he actually found himself already thinking of this as another research project for class. In which books might he find the information on the required spells? And the idea of combining deception with cartography was so original, he mentally tipped his hat to Potter. Yes, this year could shape up to be quite an adventure.

\----

Sirius was late to dinner, which wasn’t entirely unusual, but this time he had a dazed look on his face as he sat down, and quietly started in on the food.  
James elbowed him, but Sirius just shrugged. To Lily, he said, “I’d like to apologize, formally, for telling people that you had cooties.”

Her and Severus synchronized their eyebrows raising, somehow. James scowled. Did they practice that simultaneous sass?

“I wasn’t aware you had been saying that, Siri, but thanks. I think.” The table was quiet for a few moments, and James nudged Sirius again, more forcefully. He wasn’t even going to respond to a horrendous Lily Nickname?

After a beat, Snape informed him, “You missed us talking, we’re planning on going ‘exploring’,” as Severus often referred to map-making, in Lily’s presence, which did indeed involve a lot of exploring, and was vague enough to still possibly include Rule Breaking, which Lily would have no interest in, “after transfigurations tomorrow.”

“Can’t” said Sirius, “I’ve got detention.”

“How is it that you’ve got detention and I don’t?” Potter set down his fork, elbowed his friend a third time.

“ _You_ weren’t caught by Professor McGonagall snogging Ms. Dimitria Faolan.” This time, James shoved Sirius off his seat and cackled.

\----

Remus was having a bad week. He was having a _terrible_ week. He couldn’t go to Hogsmeade because of the full moon this weekend, he woke up late for Charms, the one class he was truly struggling with, and now some Slytherin had cornered him on a moving staircase, which he still thought was not safe for a school.

“Little Lupin,” the blond boy, white-blond, sneered, “where’s your blood traitor boyfriend? Heard he’s snogging half the school.” Remus really didn’t want to deal with this. He just wanted some tea, a worn book, and to maybe do decently in Charms tomorrow. The staircase didn’t seem to care, as it just kept swinging, refusing to stop long enough for Remus to step onto a landing.

“You know my name, but I can’t imagine what I could have done to bother you since I’ve no idea who you are.” Remus looked around as he spoke, maybe his luck would change and a professor would come around the corner right…now. Oh, bullocks. The staircase had paused, but his end of the stairs hadn’t landed on anywhere he wanted to go. In fact, he had no idea what floor this was.

“What you’ve done? You’ve _poisoned_ Black, he thinks he’s too good for Slytherin now, hangs out with you and that other mudblood, and disgracing his family name!” The Slytherin- blasted, who was he? Seen him coming out of Potions with Slughorn a few times. Wait, wasn’t he close with one of Sirius’ cousins? Sissy, or something?

“What do you even care?”

“I hear even _you_ don’t know if you’re a mudblood or a halfbreed! Your mum got shagged and left-EECH” Lucius, that was his name, Remus remembered, right after socking him in the nose. The staircase had finally decided to rest for a while, it seemed, so ‘little Lupin’ decided it was time to book it before his luck continued to get worse and a professor would turn the corner right…well, he heard footsteps, so better not chance it. While Lucius was still cupping hands over his face - _was that blood?_ – Remus darted onto whatever floor this was and ran down the hall. He needed a place to lay low, a place to maybe practice charms and _Merlin_ he just wanted some tea.

He almost ran into a door and made a split decision to risk it, scrambled inside. He quickly shut it and breathed for a moment, back to the door, and looked around.  
There was a fireplace in the far corner, with a cozy-looking armchair near it. He heard a whistling kettle somewhere to his right. It smelled like old books. Was he dead? Did Lucius kill him? He called out, but there didn’t seem to be anyone around. Remus breathed deeply and decided he may as well enjoy whatever this was before he woke up, or something.  
After pouring himself some tea, he sat down in the chair by the fireplace and noticed a book sitting on the table next to it.

 _Intermediate Charms for Dummies_ , the cover read.

Though he really had no idea what was going on, he was already dreading having to leave.

\----

“Hey Lily, didn’t see you much in Hogsmeade. How’d you like it?” James looked up to where Lily was joining them in the library – Sirius had an essay for History of Magic that he’d waited to start until the day before it was due. What he saw was a very wide-eyed Evans, which was unusual for the typically very composed witch. Her and Severus often acted as if there was nothing new under the sun. But now, she looked shocked.

“Something wrong, Lily?” Remus asked.

“I’ve got detention tomorrow,” Lily practically whispered. Well, James supposed, the first detention could be shocking, if you were like Evans and thought detentions were bad. Not how he saw detention, which was as something that was just inevitable on days of the week ending in ‘y’.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and barked out a laugh, “And what, please tell, got you a detention and not us?”

“Professor McGonagall caught me snogging Ms. Dimitria Faolan.”

Sirius fell out of his chair.

\----

Remus looked tired.

James didn't always notice when something was wrong with his friends. He knew he could be a bit self-absorbed. He knew because he noticed that he will be the last to find out about things that were never actually said out loud yet everyone else magically understood. He knows because Sirius had started to explicitly fill him in with what's going on: that time Severus and Lily had an argument (James thought Severus just had a stomach ache), or Remus felt left out (he wasn’t acting any differently with James!), or when he asked James himself what had his knickers in a twist (he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and didn't even realize it until Sirius said something). How Sirius picks up on these things, James has no idea. But Sirius always let him know; he'd taken to sharing the ‘mood gossip’, as James privately refers to it, on their way to dinner whenever there is something to report. In return, James tries extra hard to notice Sirius’ moods. There's no one else to report on him to James, after all.

But today James noticed Remus. And if James noticed, it must really be bad, he thought. It was the day after the full moon, and normally Remus would still be in the med wing, but they had a quiz in Charms. Remus said he couldn't afford to miss it. Maybe he could skip Muggle studies, but not Charms, so he's dragged himself through the day after likely a rough night with little sleep as a wolf. He's been walking with one arm hanging limply at his side, and barely responding to any of their friends’ joking efforts to cheer him up. Even Sirius only got a grimace, and Sirius always knew what to say to get Remus howling ( _is that offensive?_ James wondered) with laughter.

So even James knew it was obvious, and the first thing he said when Sirius came up to him before dinner was, “We need to figure out how to help Remus.”

Sirius’ eyebrows minutely shifted higher, but he nodded gravely, “This can't go on. Classes are only going to get more difficult and there will be full moons that don't fall at a convenient time. There's nothing we can do about the moon, I've already looked into it-”

“You thought you could use magic to control the moon?” James snickered. But he also privately was thanking every great wizard name he knew for Sirius Black’s powers of observation. Of course, he had already started researching how to help their friend.

“I thought it might just be crazy enough that no one had thought of it before! Muggles have _gone_ to the moon, you know, wizards should be able to think of something! And besides, aren't you always on about ‘just because someone hasn't done it yet doesn't mean it's impossible’? Not that I thought it would be easy but I thought maybe with some manipulation of the tides-”

“Sirius, mate, focus.” He broke off his rambling and took a breath.

“Right. But James, I think I know how we can help.”

“How?”

“Well, see, first I thought about Professor McGonagall…”

\----

Due to certain key events and conversations that have taken place in the past few years at Hogwarts, primarily set in motion by the absence of a particular name from the roster in his year, Severus Snape had already been made aware of several facts:

1\. Remus Lupin was a werewolf, and one should be mindful of the phases of the moon so as not to be caught under its full shine while outside Hogwarts’ walls.  
2\. Although James Potter was an incessant prankster, he took great pains to keep his friends happy and his pranks were largely a result of restless creativity with no other outlet- his latest project, creating a map of the school, seemed to help direct that energy into something bordering on productive.

3\. It was possible that Severus himself enjoyed occasionally plotting a practical joke as well. Best not share this penchant with Lily; he’s not sure if she would be more disappointed or amused.

4\. Hogwarts had nearly a dozen secret passageways, and he was determined to find all of them. It had nothing to do with wanting to prove himself to the other boys; The internal monologue in his head that sounded far too much like Lily was completely off base when it suggested that.

Armed with these facts, Severus strolled the grounds just outside the castle in the evening of a quarter-moon. He thought about the article in _Potions Review Journal_ about an experimental aconite potion to help werewolves, he wondered if it might help a certain werewolf he knew. He also had his eyes peeled for anything that might look like a secret passageway, even though he was never quite sure what a secret passageway would look like until he found one.

“Severus!” He stopped and turned, recognizing Remus’ voice, slightly out of breath. He was jogging from the direction of the quidditch pitch to catch up to where Severus was standing. “Thought that looked like you from the pitch, all in black. Glad I caught you, actually. What are you doing out here?”

Severus considered admitting that he was looking for secret passageways. He didn’t think Remus would tease him, but he might laugh. “Just taking a stroll. Exploring.”

“Right, we’ve really let the Map take a back burner for a while. I’ve got a lot of notes, but nothing organized yet. I don’t usually…well, you know me, I’m not quite as fond as breaking rules for the sake of it as James and Sirius. They’re working on something now- maybe steer clear of the Slytherin showers tomorrow. But working on the Map has been- it’s fun.” Severus nodded. He felt like something would break if he spoke.

He wasn’t yet used to anyone but Lily talking to him, making conversation just for the sake of it. His father talked to his dead mother as if her ghost haunted their house (it didn’t), or if necessary, to the spot on the wall behind Severus and to the right. Most adults talked at him, he and James discussed potions, and Sirius would make snide comments about Slytherins with him, but it wasn’t the same as talking just to talk, in a stream-of-consciousness way. As they walked, Remus went on about the weather, his latest hurdle in Charms, and he didn’t mind that Severus didn’t participate much in the conversation. In fact, Severus imagined he might be grateful. Competing with Black and Potter for airtime, for word allotment, in their group took a forceful personality, like Lily’s. Remus and Severus were both quiet people by nature, not boisterous and pompous like James or excessively chatty like Sirius. Quieter personalities were needed in the group was needed to balance them out; Remus and Severus could play that role, in the absence of anyone else.

As they strolled, they came up near the Whomping Willow. “I’m honestly surprised the other two haven’t thought of tee-peeing it yet,” Remus remarked. He seemed at ease, even when the tree violently shook off a bird.

“I imagine getting close enough would be daunting enough that even James would hesitate.” Remus looked at him with a small smirk playing at his lips, a very unusual expression for him.

“Hardly.” Remus took out his wand, “ _Immobilus_.”

The branches went still, and Remus strode towards them with a confidence reminiscent of James. When he wasn’t swatted away like a bug, Severus stepped forward as well. Remus went around to the far side of the trunk and began climbing _into_ the tree. Severus surveyed the area to make sure no one was around before following Remus into this _secret passageway_ , smiling behind Remus’ back.

At the other end of the tunnel, Severus carefully hid a very different expression. The walls of the shack were covered in claw marks, the door frame had imprints that looked like they were from teeth. He couldn’t reconcile these visuals with the small, shy brunet with second-hand robes. For more than a second, he actually feared little Remus Lupin.  
Remus cleared his throat in his stunned silence, inspecting his scuffed second-hand shoes, “I don’t usually see this place without being under the fog of the moon. I suppose it looks a fitting cage for a monster.”

Severus thought about what it might be like to wake up in this room; what it would mean to not be able to remember anything from the night before, surrounded by damage you know you caused, possibly with damage done to your own body as well. He thought about teeth, and claws, and brutal strength. Then he thought about the cold, the loneliness, and the lack of memory. He thought of the way some students instinctively gave the small boy a wide berth without knowing why, and the risk of losing friends when they noticed how your absences coincided not-so-coincidentally with a certain satellite’s place in the sky. Finally, he reflected on the real monsters he’d encountered in his life: the shell that used to be his father, the person who committed a random act of violence that took his mother away from them, the boys in the neighborhood that hated him for being quiet and weird. None of them had the excuse of a ‘furry little problem.’

“Nonsense,” Severus countered, “it just needs a spot of paint.”

\----

When James and Sirius brought their idea of how to help Remus to Severus (having snuck into Slytherin common rooms for the second time that week) James was not prepared for the onslaught of questions.

“How do you know the wolf won't see your animal form as prey?”

“Do you know how much Eastern meditation practices could help with becoming an Animagus?”

“Do you intend to register yourselves when you're of legal age?”

And so on. Sirius was able to answer every one. (“Werewolves only attack humans, unless they’re completely starved. We just have to keep Remus well fed.” “It's really only had success with people who already have a background with Eastern magic.” James: “Don’t look at me, my mom barely remembers how her parents in India practiced simple household magic.” And, “I imagine it's up to each of us if we want to, but I don't see a reason anyone outside of us needs to know. Also, I would very much like _not_ to go to Azkaban, Severus, so don’t tell anyone until we’re of age. Not even Lily.”) James didn't know these questions even needed to be asked. There was a way to help his friend, so he was in, damn the risks. At first, he thought all the questions meant that Severus thought their idea was dumb, that they should just quit now, but he realized they actually meant the opposite. Severus was making sure their plan would work, making sure they were thinking this through. He was reminding them that this endeavor would require a plan, a better plan than any of James’ pranks, if it was going to have any hope of succeeding, if they were going to help Remus.

Severus _wanted_ to help Remus, just as much as he and Sirius did, and he had already researched all the possible complications because he had already been seriously considering taking action.

\----

“Now, we should go over the risks again just so we are absolutely clear,” Sirius was saying, the three of them sitting on the floor in a circle in the Room of Requirement. Each of them had a pile of books. Well, Sirius had two piles. “Everything I've found says there really isn't much risk if you just… fail. I mean, unless you _really_ screw up the potion- and we’ve got Severus so that’s no issue. If you can't turn into an animal, you're just exactly where you were before, a regular wizard. There are a few cases of half- shifts, but they're rare, like really rare, and usually when there is some other weird -dark- magic interfering. The risk comes in if you are actually able to transform, being able to shift back that first time. There's risk that you just… won't. You can forget that you were human first.”

“How do we mitigate the chances of that happening?” asked Severus.

“Well, none of us should try transforming for the first time alone. This book,” Sirius nudged the bottom of a pile with his foot, “says we shouldn't try it alone for the first three times, but really, it's basically assumed by everyone else that if you get back to human the first time, you can consistently remember that you weren't always a rat, or whatever you end up as. You don’t get to choose what you end up as, which is disappointing. I think I would choose a wolf or a dog, for Remus to play with.”

“That's it? That doesn't sound that risky.”

“Potter, I highly doubt becoming Animagi would be considered such advanced magic if the presence of another human was the only barrier.” Severus rolled his eyes.

“Don't be an arse, Snape-”

“Mates, this is for Remus, fisticuffs later.” Sirius pulled the bottom book out from the stack, flipping to a passage, “Says, ‘the first self-transfiguration to animal form confuses the senses, diminishes the link to human memories, emotions, and passions…’ bla bla bla mandrake leaf yeah we know, don't try this til you're older, kiddies… ‘the risk of permanent self-transfiguration in attempting Animagus status is minimized by ensuring that a strong link to the witch or wizard's humanity is present. Another person that will see through the animal form to the witch or wizard that remains, is constant and not transfigured in spirit, has been shown to greatly increase the chances of the witch or wizard achieving Animagus status, provided they have had thorough training.”

“‘See through the animal form?’,” James repeated, “What do you think that means?”

The three boys were silent. Maybe there were still elements of this plan they hadn't quite yet worked out.

\----

Severus slept fitfully the night of the next full moon. He was not used to being so worried about other people, and there were certainly plenty of reasons to worry about Remus. Severus didn’t know much about Remus’ home life, other than that he just had his mum and they’d moved to London from the countryside recently. Did he have somewhere to go for the full moon over the summer? Surely he wasn’t going to stay at Hogwarts alone all summer long.

It was very early when Severus rolled out of bed. The other boys in his room were all comatose, and if Severus were more like James he might take the opportunity to transfigure Lucius’ underwear. But he’d put a ban on pranks in his room; they would immediately know it was him, and then living with them would be endless nightmares. He could choose not to spend time in the Slytherin common room, but he couldn’t avoid his own bed. Well, except for the occasional sleepless night, he supposed.

Severus made his way down the hall, ears straining for any peeps of Filch or Ms. Norris. He did wonder, after doing research with Sirius, if Mrs. Norris hadn’t been an attempted Animagus gone wrong. Maybe she hadn’t had a strong link to her humanity around. Severus felt a pang of sympathy for her, but she was truly an awful cat, so he quickly got over it.

Filch often patrolled in front of Gryffindor tower, hoping to catch James and Sirius doing something they shouldn’t be. The two had been caught a few times after first year, and then almost caught enough times second year that they knew now it was better to just stay out and hide until late rather than risk sneaking out of the dorms after curfew. Severus avoided the tower and instead found himself near the kitchens. Already he could hear bustling inside, pots banging and knives hitting cutting boards. Then he realized it was so loud because the door was open. This was strange, because house elves didn’t really use doors. He peeked his head in out of curiosity, not planning to disrupt the elves’ morning routine.

Of course, one of them noticed him immediately. “Young mister Snape is very lucky he was not sneaking around here only five minutes earlier, or he would have seen Master Filch taking his breakfast!” So that’s why the door was open, he thought.

“I don’t mean to disturb you, um, what is your name?” Severus glanced around, just to be sure Filch was really gone. He wasn’t worried about the house elves telling Filch he’d been sneaking. James was caught red-handed by an elf first year in the laundry room putting itching powder in the Slytherin students’ socks, and the elf just sent him back to the dorms. House elves didn’t understand, didn’t want to understand hierarchies of authority between witches and wizards. As long as no one stopped them from carrying out their chores, they didn’t care what students got up to.

“Mister Snape is very kind for asking what Olby’s name is, yes! Olby wants to invite mister Snape in for a cup of calming tea. He must not be sleeping well if he is up and about this early! Young wizards need their rest if they want to grow up big and strong!” The elf, apparently called Olby, was tugging his wrist towards a small table and chair in the corner of the kitchen. Severus had not seen it a moment ago, and he certainly hadn’t seen the plate of scones and teapot that had just appeared with a snap of Olby’s fingers.

“Erm, thank you, Olby. This is very nice. I don’t want to be in your way…” Severus was herded into the seat, and really the scones smelled lovely. He started to nibble on one and he was glad he did, both because it was as delicious as it smelled and it seemed to make Olby’s day.

“Mister Snape is not a bother, no! Olby would rather mister Snape stay here and eat scones and drink tea, and he should stay safe since the moon was very bright tonight and mister Snape does not know about the danger outside the castle on a night like this,” Olby prattled on, but Severus put the scone back onto the plate.

“Olby, do you know about Remus?” The elf froze, and then he dropped onto his knees.

“Olby has said something he meant to keep secret! Bad Olby, mister Snape must punish him, or ask mister Lupin to punish him for telling his secret, or he must tell Master Filch so that the Master can punish Olby very harshly!” Severus was momentarily shocked at the groveling Olby was doing at his feet.

“Please, that isn’t necessary, please get up. I already knew, Remus told me. You did not betray any secrets. There is no need for anyone to be punished, certainly not by Filch.”

Olby froze again and scrambled up off his knees. He smiled as if nothing had happened. “Erm, Remus probably feels like death at this point though. Maybe I could bring him a scone?”

Olby brightened even more at this suggestion, “Mister Snape is very kind! He knows it is not mister Lupin’s fault for his condition and he knows about the pain mister Lupin feels every time he falls ill. Mister Snape will bring mister Lupin chocolate, Olby knows mister Lupin likes chocolate a lot and it helps him feel better. Olby will give mister Snape lots of sweets to help mister Lupin feel better.” The elf apparated before Severus could agree and returned with a basket almost as big as Olby himself, nearly overflowing with sweets.

“Er, thank you, Olby. I don’t think Remus will be able to eat all this today, and he should probably have a breakfast consisting of something other than sugar.”

Olby was nodding along with his words, “Yes mister Snape! Mister Lupin will take the basket home for the summer to eat when he feels ill.” Well, that at least assuaged his worries that Remus would be stuck at Hogwarts alone for the moon. It seems even if he was here over the summer, the elves would take care of him.

The elf’s ears twitched, and Severus could hear a distant meow in the halls outside the kitchen. Olby led him out a secret passageway (!) in the pantry that led him conveniently near the doors outside. Severus wandered in the direction of the Whomping Willow. It was early still; it was solidly morning so that Remus would have changed back by now, but before Madam Pomfrey would be out to fetch his moon-cursed friend. He was only going to deliver the chocolate now because he had nothing better to do. Also, he needed to tell Remus about the door to the kitchen. It was necessary so that Remus could work on the map, he thought stubbornly, not because he thought it might cheer the werewolf up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:  
> mentions/implications of child neglect  
> bullying- name calling.
> 
> \----
> 
> Evidence that Mrs. Norris was once a witch who failed at becoming an Animagus and got ‘stuck’ as a cat:  
> 1\. Cats can’t get married. Mrs? (Yes, this is admittedly weak. People give cats some weird names.)  
> 2\. That cat has had a pretty long lifespan. Suspiciously long.  
> 3\. Described as a very intelligent cat. Suspiciously intelligent.  
> 4\. It’s been said that Filch seems to actually understand her.


	4. Fourth Years: All of Cupid’s Arrows Conveniently Miss Sirius Black

Immediately after the sorting ceremony, James and Sirius broke into tales of their summer for Remus, which soon devolved into “Remember when-” “And then you-” “The look on dad’s -” “Oh but it was worse when we-” before they both burst into laughter.

They hadn’t seen Lily and Severus yet, but they were hardly mannered to wait for them before digging into the first feast of the school year. With a mouth full of buttered roll, Sirius asked, “Remus, what’d you do all summer? You didn’t owl James and I much. Clearly, you spent a lot of time growing. You’re about as tall as James!”

Remus self consciously ducked his head. _James and I_ , why did that phrase make Remus’ stomach drop? He knew they weren’t leaving him out, that Sirius had moved in with the Potters because his family was awful, not to intentionally exclude him. Back in second year James had sat him down for a long speech about how even if two of them split off sometimes, they weren’t trying to exclude the others, each of them had a valued place in the group. _Remus_ had a valued place in the group. It was perfectly okay that Remus opted out of pranks, and that him and James could practice Charms together instead anytime while Sirius could go get into trouble on his own.

Remus didn’t think too hard about why he would rather get Sirius all to himself for a while.

“Erm, I actually worked on the Map,” he said, voice dropped so that the other Gryffindors wouldn’t overhear, “I have the entire castle more or less mapped out, we should do some exploring to see if anything has changed this year. Then we can start figuring out how to make the map change _with_ the castle.”

“Good thinking,” Sirius whispered, leaning in close to his ear and thankfully not noticing Remus’ cheeks pink, “We’ll have to see if the Room of Requirement can help us find the books that we…require.” James groaned.

Lily walked up then, cutting off discussion of the Map, and sat down next to James.

“Hey Lily, where’s Severus?” Sirius asked. Lily began serving herself food, her jaw twitched but otherwise she ignored the question completely. Sirius narrowed his eyes but let it go.

“Well, anyway, want to tell us what you did over the summer? Though I’m sure James already knows everything, what with the number of letters you two owled each other.”  
James glared at his friend but his cheeks were beet read so Sirius just grinned. Though to Sirius’ surprise, so were Lily’s. Remus snickered, but immediately quieted when Lily shot _him_ a glare.

“My summer was fine, except my sister and I got into a row and she hasn’t spoken to me since July,” Lily said dejectedly. James awkwardly lifted his arm as if to wrap it around her shoulder in comfort, before catching himself and letting it drop back down.

“I’m sure she’ll come ‘round,” James offered. Lily stuffed a buttered roll in her mouth and shrugged.

\----

Lily Evans slammed a large book down on the table in the library, just barely missing Severus’ fingers.

“ _Watch_ it- oh. Lily. What are you, um. I should,” Severus started to collect his books.

“You’re going to stop avoiding me and the boys.” Lily’s glare was as forceful as ever. Severus grimaced, she knew now how he felt about her and she had made herself clear that she did not feel the same way. Why had she cornered him like this?

“You and ‘the boys’? You mean you and _James_? Why would I want to be around that sort of arrogance when no one would notice my absence?”

“Of _course_ we notice your absence! Why do you think I’m bloody _here_ Sev? I know you actually don’t mind James’…attitude, and you know it’s gotten better since first year,”

“The bar was set incredibly low-”

“They’re your friends, Severus! You can’t just cut all of them off, cut me off, over some temporary awkwardness,”

“You’re all _Gryffindors_ anyway, I don’t see why I should-”

“-and if you just would hurry up and realize you see me more as a sister than anything else,” Lily went on as if he hadn’t spoken, “you could go back to talking shit about other Slytherins with Sirius and plotting whatever you’re plotting with him and James, -yes, I caught on to that and no, I don’t want to know, plausible deniability- and checking on Remus the morning after his furry friend makes an appearance to give him chocolate, and you could stop sulking and we could be _friends_ again!” She huffed, picked up her book, and stormed out again.

Severus slunk down in his chair. He had a choice to make now; either he could sort out exactly what he was feeling for Lily, and hopefully get back to having silent conversations with her across the Gryffindor table, or he could nurse a bitter, broken heart for- well, the rest of his life.

\----

Remus was roaming the grounds looking for something to do, while James and Sirius plotted their first prank of the year, and he almost literally ran into Lily outside the library. She looked angry, but like she was using anger as a mask for something else.

“Lily- are you alright?” Her mask slipped, and she just looked lost.

“It’s nothing. I mean, there’s no reason I should be so, I’m just not really sure what to do.” Her shoulders slumped. 

“Well, I rarely know what do to, so I’m not sure I’ll be much help,” Remus linked their arms and slowly guided them into the courtyard, “but my ears work, so if you’d like to make use of them, I’ve nothing else I’ve got to be doing this second.”

They settled on a bench, and Lily took great care putting her book away and deliberating where to start. Remus, not knowing what to do or say, offered her a chocolate he’d gotten from a house elf that morning. You ask a house elf their name and suddenly you’re their favorite, he thought with a smile. Lily took the chocolate so she would have the extra time to chew to think of what to say.

“How did your mum react when she found out you could do magic?” She looked up at Remus and saw him wince.

“Erm, I think that news seemed fairly minor to her, at the time. She had just found out her son was bitten by a werewolf.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Of course you didn’t, Lily, please. I know my experiences are not typical for a number of reasons,” Remus gave a small smile, “Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you and we can see if I am any help at all.”

“Well, Severus is being an idiot, for one.” Lily propped her elbows on her lap and rested her cheeks on her palms. “He’s got it in his head that he likes me.”

“Doesn’t he though?”

“Not like _that_.” Lily knew, or was fairly sure, that Severus thought he fancied her partly because she had been the only girl in the neighborhood to show him any kindness. He needed more friends. But telling Remus this probably wouldn’t help accomplish that. “Sev and I…we stick together because all the other kids in the neighborhood think we’re odd. We’re sort of like siblings,” Lily’s jaw twitched, “My _real_ sibling thinks I’m odd. And she hates me for it.”

Remus just nodded, thinking of his ‘unbreakable brotherhood’ with James, how neither he nor James had any real siblings, and he thought of Sirius’ real brother, who wasn’t allowed to speak to him. Stopping at one kid generally seemed to be the way to do it, and then they can choose their own siblings, he thought. It also occurred to him that this comment was probably not very useful at this point in time. A hesitant hand patted her back. 

Looking back at Remus, Lily saw his expression was deeply uncomfortable. “Wow. You’re really awful at this, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry!” he blurted immediately, “I know, I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t know what I’m doing. Should I hold your hand?” And, well, as he said it he actually looked like he’d rather swallow a ticklish prickle, and his complete incompetence at navigating this emotional moment startled Lily into a laugh. It did make her feel better, a little, that she wasn’t the only one feeling out of her depth.

“No, it’s fine. Really, maybe I do just need someone to listen.” Remus’ shoulders sagged in relief. “I just, I want to be angry at her. My sister, I mean. But, I can’t. When my parents got my Hogwarts letter, it’s like everything they already believed was just confirmed for them, that I was special, unique. And Petunia was…not.”

“And h-how did that make you feel?”

Lily playfully pushed into him with her shoulder, “you’ve been watching too much telly, Lupin. They don’t actually say that.”

“I’m serious though! It’s obvious how your sister probably feels about all this. Jealous, bitter, what have you. But how did you feel, being singled out as special like that?” Lily huffed, remembering the extra attention from her parents, the way they were sometimes nervous around her, when they weren’t before. How they never punished her, even when she stayed out with Severus in the park until the early hours of the morning when he didn’t want to go home.

“I felt special, at first. But then I felt like…like I wasn’t just Lily to them, anymore. Like I was a house guest they needed to impress. Merlin, that makes it sound downright pleasant. Sorry, I’m probably not making any sense.”

“I think I’m starting to get it,” Remus said thoughtfully, “I think it was probably good for my mum, finding out how she did. Not me being, em, furry, but- she got the good and the bad all together, you know? This magical world we’re in, it’s not so different from the world my mum knows: good things happen, and bad things happen, and hopefully it sort of evens out in the end; she got that up front. So although I was a little different…okay, a lot different…I was still Remus, to her.”

The good and the bad, Lily thought. This world wasn’t perfect. It was magical, but it wasn’t perfect, and she ought to remember that. Maybe that meant Lily didn’t have to be either.

\----

Lily’s hair looked particularly soft today, James thought. Maybe if he got something stuck in it, like a wad of parchment, he’d have an excuse to touch it. He’d apologize, say it was meant to hit Remus, and maybe she would blush when he ran his fingers through the strands-

“Mr. Potter!” Professor Kettleburn called, rudely interrupting his daydream. He glared at the man.

“Mr. Potter, would you please tell the class the best way to avoid being trampled by a peryton?”

“Eye contact.” James demonstrated that he would certainly avoid being trampled by a peryton by staring down his professor until he looked away. He didn’t seem to notice, or care. The man was probably half-blind, apparently he’d had one of his eyes clawed by a pixie last summer.

“That’s right, Potter, five points to Gryffindor. You should all do well to learn the different between a peryton and a hippogriff, because direct eye contact with the latter is a foolish way to die. Evans, how do you avoid being pecked to death by a hippogriff?”

“You take a bow.” She was so smart, James bet she was near top of the class. Her hair, her brains. Everything above the neck, really. And, James felt his face grow warm, below the neckline. James thought up a world where he had come up with the most brilliant idea for a hair potion like his dad, and he was being handed a large trophy. Lily told him she had never seen anything so impressive, besides his quidditch playing-

Sirius elbowed him in the ribs, “Mate, where’s your head? Class has been over for five minutes, let’s go.”

\----

Remus, Sirius, and Lily all filed into the stands to watch the first Gryffindor-Slytherin match of the year. Xenophilias was announcing the favorable weather conditions for the game, “the bare-fronted Hoodwinks are migrating north-northwest, hopefully the Gandaberunda are still hibernating,” when Severus sat down next to Lily. She turned to him as he sat down, tilted her head and raised one auburn eyebrow. Severus adopted an identical expression, only somehow more stoic. Whatever Lily saw, both eyebrows lifted and a smirk played at her lips as she turned to watch the Bludgers be released.

Sirius and Remus watched the silent communication with matching puzzled expressions.

Remus cleared his throat, “Severus, it’s, um, good to see you,”

“You lost, mate? OW!” Remus smacked the back of Sirius’ head.

Then Xenophilias’ voice distracted them from Snape’s unexpected presence- “GRYFFINDOR has intercepted the Quaffle, Versept dodges a bludger – and a Hoodwink, though it’s not like _that’s_ difficult – and goes for the goal. GRYFFINDOR SCORES!” Lily and the boys stood up, cheering (not Severus- his disdain for his own house didn’t quite go that far).  
Midway through the match, James flew in a loop right in front of their section, prompting Severus to roll his eyes as Lily whooped and laughed.

\----

They were all lounging in Gryffindor commons -even Severus, whose house allegiance was well and truly destroyed, now- when Sirius asked, “Lily, would it make you feel awkward if I took Dimitria to the ball?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively in her direction. Lily didn't look up from her book.

“Didn't you hear, Black? She's going with Benjy Fenwick, they've been together for two whole weeks now.”

Sirius leaned back in surprise, “Ms. Faolan, settling down with someone? Good for her. Ah, but we'll see. There's still two weeks yet until Yule. She could easily go through three more poor saps in that time.”

Lily rolled her eyes, and though Severus was clearly trying hard to look like he wasn't even aware of this conversation, Remus saw his roll at the same time. It was sometimes a bit eerie how in sync they were sometimes, definitely like siblings, he thought.

“Hey, Remus, who are you taking to the Yule ball?” James asked, “I overheard Amelia in the girls’ bathroom saying she didn't have anyone to go with her yet. She likes books, you could ask her.”

Remus was just about to ask what James was doing in the girls’ bathroom when Sirius spoke up beside him, “Remus is gay.”

Remus froze. James, usually so easy to read, had an expression Remus couldn’t identify. Severus was still scribbling in his potions text, at least _acting_ oblivious. Lily looked at Sirius murderously. “Sirius Black!” she scolded.

“What? Oh, bugger. I shouldn't have said that, huh. I'm sorry, Remus. I'm going to go off with Evans now so she can tell me exactly how I fucked up, and how badly. Expect a more detailed apology and reparations by dinner.”

With that, Lily and Sirius stood up and left them.

“Um.” Remus had given some passing thoughts to coming out to his friends, but it certainly hadn't been on his to-do list for the day.

“Well, don't feel like you have to confirm or deny anything.” James assured him, “Whatever Sirius thinks he knows is hardly going to be as accurate as what you know about yourself. But you know we don't mind anyway, mate. Whether you don't have a preference like Lily or if you don't fancy anyone at all like Severus, we've got your back.” Severus acknowledged this statement with a grunt that sounded like agreement.

 _Would you still have my back if you knew I fancied your best friend?_ Remus thought. But actually, as soon as he really considered it, he knew James would.

“Thanks, James. I know that…none of you care that I'm gay.” He slowly pushed through the whole sentence. He should have practiced saying this out loud with Lily.

James smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “‘Course not, Moony. And I can still help you find a date for Yule if you'd like.”

Remus chose not to acknowledge his friend's offer and instead addressed the bizarre word used in place of his name. “‘Moony?’”

“Well, it's better than anything Lily would come up with, right?”

“Potter, that isn't exactly something to be proud of,” Severus chimed in.

“No, I like it. Moony. Maybe don't used it in front of my mother, though. She might think you were making fun of my, um, illness.”

“Sure thing, _Moony_ ,” James’ expression shifted to a grin Remus had grown all too familiar with. “Now, would you like to help Severus and I brew a potion that will make any food taste like farts without changing the scent?”

“Why on earth would you want such a potion?”

Severus answered him as though it was obvious, “I'm going to sprinkle it on Lucius’ food whenever I can manage to without arousing suspicion.”

\----

That evening, Sirius stopped Remus outside the dining hall and waited until everyone had passed before he handed him several inches of parchment and launched into a carefully recited speech. He apologized for ‘outing Remus without his consent and for assuming he knew his sexuality better than Remus himself, and publicly putting him at risk as a potential target of homophobia -though you know I'd never have said anything in front of anyone else but James, Lily, and Severus- and not giving Remus a choice about whether, how, when, or where he wished to tell them his sexuality.’

“Lily helped me write an essay,” Sirius pointed to the parchment in Remus’ hand, “to show that I understand exactly why my statement was wrong and what I plan to do in the future to avoid making the same error. It also details three facts about me that no one else knows, that you get to decide whether, how, when, and where you tell our friends, as reparations.”

Remus smiled. Merlin forbid Sirius make it easy for him to ignore the swell of his heart when he was around, he thought. He crumpled up the parchment in his hand and took out his wand.

“ _Incendio_.” Sirius squawked as the crumpled sheet burned to ash.

“Hey! I worked hard on that! And I put off a Muggle studies assignment I haven't started-”

“I'll help you with it. Thank you, Sirius. After my shock wore off, I realized that you only blurted it out like that because it didn't even occur to you to be bothered by it. I have to ask, though, how did you know?” _How obvious am I being about my crush on you?_

“Oh, well, as you would have _known_ if you read my essay, I am a very observant person, according to Lily. Just because things are obvious to me doesn’t mean they are to everyone else, so if that’s what you’re worried about, don’t fret. But, ah, you're the only person I know who hasn't drooled over Dimitria at some point- mate, you barely looked up when she walked through the common room in a towel!” Sirius’ eyes lit up at the memory, “And uh, a couple times after Quidditch matches I saw you looking at- at Wood.”

Remus felt simultaneously relieved and, oddly, a smidge disappointed.

“Edward?” Edward Wood was a fit chaser on the Gryffindor team. Having an unrequited crush didn't mean he had gone blind to anyone else.

“Him, too.” Sirius adopted a cheeky grin, and Remus shoved him into the dining hall. “You know, Edward makes an okay chaser and all, but I'm sure he'd make an even better _beater_!” he teased, dodging another push from Remus.

“Oh, but Sirius, I think his _performance_ is excellent. Maybe he plays both positions!”

The two of them were still laughing when they sat down with the others. Farther down the table, the Quidditch captain asked Edward if he'd like to try switching it up at the next practice.

\----

After pacing around practically the entire castle wracking his brain, James found Severus in the library.  
“I need your help.”

Severus leaned back in his chair, set his quill back in the inkwell, closed his potions textbook, and folded his hands.

“Erm,” James shifted his weight, “Does that mean you’ll help me?”

“Hush, Potter, I am basking in the moment.”

Clearly this was a mistake, James thought. But what other choice did he have? Severus knew Lily better than any of them, and if he was going to try to get Lily to go to Yule with him, there was no better option. So, James counted to ten in his head, then again just to be sure.

“You must really be in trouble. Did Slughorn finally retaliate for turning down his invitation?” James sneered in reaction to Slughorn’s name, the bigoted creep.

“No, I’m…trying to figure out how to ask Lily to go to the Yule Ball with me.” Severus stared at him, expressionless. He opened his textbook, picked up his quill and resumed writing.

“No.”

James’ heart sank. “But-”

“ _No_.” Severus looked up again, and this time his expression was furious. “I cannot begin to understand what delusions you have filled your head with that make you think you are even close to half the person Lily deserves, but I would be some cruel villain to foster and encourage them.”

“You can’t seriously still be angry about what I did to you _first year_ -”

“This isn’t about me. It’s about Lily. And how she could do better.” Severus glared, and James glared back.

“What would Lily think if she knew you were judging who could be her suitors?”

“Likely the same if I were to give an unworthy ‘suitor’ an unfair advantage.” Severus didn’t look up at him again, and James stormed out of the library.

\----

Unfortunately, the full moon did not land on the night of the Yule Ball. This werewolf thing should at least occasionally be good for getting out of dumb dances, Remus thought bitterly. Instead, the moon has cursed him to watch his crush dance with the beautiful Dimitria while he sat at a table alone. No, he’d much rather hole up in the library with a cup of tea while his friends attended the ball.

Students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang were visiting, which made meal times crowded despite the expanded hall. The visiting students were encouraged to mix in with them, and today they sat with a brunet boy with a sharp-angled jaw from Beauxbatons, Clément, and a tall girl with equally sharp eyes wearing a hijab from Durmstrang, Hina. Lily was playing Perfect Prefect Host and making efforts to engage both of them in conversation. Before she could attempt to nickname their poor visitors, Sirius asked Hina about what Durmstrang was like, were the classes very different?

Clément asked Remus about the classes at Hogwarts, pulling him out of his personal pity party. By dessert, he was laughing from the stories Clément had told him of some English speakers’ misfortunes with French false cognates. He was smiling back at Remus and sat closer than when they had started the meal, and Remus found that he really didn’t mind.

The next day, Clément found him in the courtyard and asked Remus if he was going to the Yule Ball.

“I suppose I am. The rest of the group is going, I doubt they’ll let me duck out.” Clément’s hopeful expression wavered.

“Do you not like to dance?”

“Erm, I don’t really know how.” Remus shrugged. Remus had never felt so out of his element as he had in the dance classes the professors had organized. He thinks he stepped on Amelia’s feet over a dozen times. And he had no _idea_ where he was supposed to put his hands.

“I could show you. If you like.” Clément’s fingers brushed his, and he blushed.

Maybe he just wasn’t suited to be the lead, Remus thought, “You could…yeah. Yes, I would like that.” Remus rubbed the back of his neck, which was suddenly very warm, despite the snow around him. He could actually picture it, dancing with a boy.

Clément stood on his toes and placed a kiss on his cheek, before gracefully stepping inside to where some other Beauxbatons students were giggling.  
Remus walked in a bit of a daze into the dining hall where his friends soon joined him for lunch.

“Hey Remus, what’s got your head in the clouds?” Sirius asked

“Well, I don’t have detention, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

\----

Sirius had been absolutely no help.

“Just ask her, mate. Go up to her, and say, ‘Evans, would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?’” It was well after curfew, and it was just him and James out teepee-ing the Whomping Willow.

James groaned, chucked another roll of toilet paper. It had been a while since they’d done a muggle-style prank, but they liked to keep the school on its toes. “But she deserves so much better than that, it has to be something more than just a casual invitation!”

“Then spell it out in rose petals, I don’t know, mate! I’m not bloody romantic, I asked Dimitria if she was had plans for doing anyone next Friday, any _one_ , yeah, that’s what I said- and she said she supposed it might as well be me. Not exactly the love story of the century, we are.” Sirius shrugged, “Just mates who snog.”

“Well, bully for you, but what about me and my problems?”

“It’s those kinds of sentences that made Snape call you unworthy,” Sirius replied, seconds before his 'brother' tackled him to the ground.

\----

Lily wasn’t at breakfast. Today was the one day out of the month that Sirius went to breakfast; he was decidedly a night owl. He went to breakfast the morning after the full moon every four weeks, like today, to bring back food for Remus because he needed the extra calories after the Moon, but he was often too weak to get out of bed. But Lily _always_ went to breakfast, because she was a much darker creature than Remus was. She was a _naturally early riser_. Sirius knew Lily always went to breakfast because _James_ always went to breakfast, and often moaned incessantly about it for the rest of the day. Sirius didn’t really understand why James woke up so early if he liked sleeping in so much, but he figured maybe love made you do crazy things, like get up early for breakfast.

James, judging by the emotions written all over his face, likely had something to do with Lily’s absence. He was a bundle of nerves all morning. Even in Defense Against Dark Arts, James’ favorite class, he barely paid attention.

Lily finally showed up at lunch with a rose petal in her hair. Severus pulled it out as she sat down.

“Thanks, Sev,” she groaned, “You all won’t believe what I had to deal with this morning.”

Sirius thought he would probably believe it, judging by the way James seemed to shrink in on himself next to him.

“Some girl in my dorm has a secret admirer, or something, who stuck rose petals all over the floor, spelled out ‘Yule Ball’ and a question mark. But turns out they stuck to anything they touched, so we were trying to clean it up with petals all stuck to our fingers and toes.” Sirius was desperately trying to contain his own laughter, James managed to fudge up a sticking charm and couldn’t be bothered to write _To: Lily, From: James_ with rose petals? Lily noticed his expression. “This wasn’t one of your pranks, was it? A secret admirer would be cruel.” James vehemently shook his head, and Sirius couldn’t quite contain a snort.

Lily sighed deeply, “It’s alright. I suppose I’ll probably laugh about it next week, but right now I think I’ve had enough romance for a while.” Even without turning towards him, Sirius knew James must look absolutely crushed.

“Maybe we could all go to Yule as friends. Dimitria won’t have any trouble finding a date, James hasn’t asked anyone yet,” he ignored James’ clearing his throat, “and I’m guessing Severus didn’t have any big plans.” Snape rolled his eyes but gave a short nod. “There it’s settled, we’ll go as a group.”

“That will be loads of fun! And we won’t have any of the pressure that comes with dates,” Lily smiled.

“Nor the snogging,” James mumbled sullenly into his soup.

Severus smirked, “I think it’s worth noticing that out of all of us, Remus is the only one to successfully have gotten a date for the ball.”

\----

Remus was having a fantastic week.

The full moon this month was blessedly short, and Severus had snuck into the Shack in the morning before Madam Pomfrey got there to give him some chocolate as he sometimes did (along with the parting comment of “Tell anyone and you will suffer.”) Though Remus was still exhausted the next day, and he couldn’t remember any more than he usually could of his time as a wolf, he felt more human, recovered more easily.

His performance in Charms was also improving- Lily was determined to tutor him and she made an excellent teacher. He noticed that Lucius had started sniffing his meals carefully before every meal. (Severus was intentionally inconsistent with sprinkling the ‘fart juice’ on his plate, so that every time he let his guard down he would take a bite and be so unpleasantly surprised.)

Now Remus was in the Gryffindor common room trying to figure out how to write his mother about his excellent week while carefully censoring the things she wouldn’t approve of. Sirius showed up and sat beside him.

“Love is in the air, Moony! Are you writing amorous correspondence to Clément?”

“Sirius, it was just a dance. We didn’t really keep in touch, hard to fall head over heels in the span of a week.” _Especially when my heart’s already spoken for_ , thought Remus. “What are you on about love, has someone caught your eye?”

“Me? Merlin, No.” Remus felt relief wash through him, “James- him and Lily are finally on a date, a date-date, a boyfriend and girlfriend date, a romantic appointment, a _rendezvous d’amour_ -”

“Sirius-”

“They’re on this date together, Lily and James, James and Lily. Lames and Jily.”

“Where is this going, Sirius?”

“You want to do something? I’m going bored out of my mind without my unbreakable brother.” Sirius rapped his knuckles on the table.

“I’m writing a letter to mum, but after that I’m sure we’ll find some trouble to get into.” Remus turned to Sirius with a sober expression, “Without James it will be a challenge, sure, but I believe in our capability to get detention.” Sirius grinned ambitiously.

“Speaking of your mum, you think she would let us visit you over summer? James and I ended up grounded for most of the summer last year, and I’m thinking that’s probably because you weren’t around. You’re very good at reminded us that consequences exist. But also, we missed you awfully.” Sirius turned away and leaned back until his head was in Remus’ lap.

Remus mentally counted backwards from ten before he dared answer, so his voice wouldn’t shake.

“I…can ask her.” As long as it wasn’t over a full moon, Remus’ mum didn’t much mind what he got up to. And it would be nice, not going the whole summer without seeing Sirius- _and James,_ he purposely tagged onto his thoughts.

“We could stay a few nights, have a sleepover and braid each other’s hair! Or, you and James could braid my hair, at least, since mine’s the only hair long enough. Why don't you grow out your hair, Moony? With your curls you'd be absolutely fawned over. Beating them back with sticks.” He ran his fingers through the strands and started twisting them around his finger. The thing was, Remus was pretty sure Sirius wasn’t kidding. Great, now he was actually considering letting his hair get long like a girl's, or like Sirius'.

“Let me write my letter, then, before we go off to manage some mischief.”

\----

James knew his family had money. But he had never really had to so directly confront it before now, standing at Remus’ doorstep- or, well, the doorstep of Davey’s Pub, which Remus and his mother lived directly above. Next to him, Sirius snickered.

“James, We’re in London. Remus is a werewolf in London. I can’t believe I’ve only just thought of this.”

James rolled his eyes and followed Remus inside. He realized this would be his first time in a muggle pub, probably Sirius’ first time as well. It was too bad Severus had some sort of Potions camp, he probably could have helped them blend in. He looked down at his own clothes (a button-down and khaki shorts) and then at Sirius’ (a muggle band t-shirt and cut-off jeans) and hoped they would pass as working-class muggles.

The pub smelled of smoke and other things much less pleasant, but that wasn’t different from wizarding pubs. It was remarkably similar, actually, with the row of blokes who were probably regulars sitting at the bar, groups of friends and couples scattered around the tables, enjoying their drinks. A brunette waitress, in tight blue jeans and a tight black polo with the top buttons undone, walked up to them before they had gotten more than three steps past the door.

“Remus, baby, have you eaten?”

She asked.

“Yeah mum, on my way to meet these two,” Remus gestured to them, “this is James, and Sirius. This is me mum- uh, Maeve.”

“Hullo boys,” Before Remus’ mother could go on, the bartender spotted them.

“Oi, come back when you’re 18 lads! Unless your fakes can fool the coppers!” Some men at the bar laughed uproariously, and Maeve had to shout over the noise.

“They’re with me, Dave!”

“That so? Just how many kids do you have again, Maevey?”

“Step off, _Davey_ , you know it’s jus’ the one. His friends’ve come to visit.” Maeve talked back with a heavy cockney accent, and James started to feel very out of place. She turned back to them, “Now, since I know Remus was feeding me porky pies, let me fetch you some chips to take upstairs, the kitchen fussed up an order so there’s extra.”

Once Maeve had walked off presumably to the kitchen, Sirius nudged his friend, “Moony, you didn’t say your mum was so-”

“Finish that sentence if you want your nose to match Malfoy’s, Black.”

“-young. I was going to say young!”

“Yeah? What’s tha’ supposed ta mean?” James knew he spoke differently at home than at school sometimes, but he never would have been able to imagine the voice of a chimney sweeper coming from Remus’ mouth. It was startling how quickly he switched between the ‘proper’ Hogwarts English and the way his mother spoke.

“How about we talk about something other than Ms. Lupin,” James interrupted smoothly, “what did she mean by porky pies, anyway?”

“Huh? Oh,” Remus explained like it was obvious, “Lies, mate. Lies, porky pies, cherry pies. You know.”

James didn’t know, but he nodded anyway. Londoners.

“Sorry boys, can’t chat, have to fetch some bloke his drink,” Maeve returned with a tray with three baskets of chips and toasties, “here- jus’ take the tray. Don’t give me that face, Remus, it’s covered! I’m afraid I probably won’t see much of you boys this week; my shift goes late and I’ll be off before you roll out of bed in the morning.”

“Thank you, Ms. Lupin, it’s nice to meet you” James said, subtly reminding Sirius what manners were.

“Deary, call me Maeve!”

Sirius grinned, “Thank you, _Maeve_.”

As they made their way up to the flat, Remus pushed Sirius up the stairs.

When they were situated around a coffee table munching on chips, James looked around the small flat and asked, “So where do you go for the full moon?”

“The pub has a basement.” Remus explained, “They use it for pub quizzes, it’s pretty popular with university students. Mum made some kind of deal with Dave, the owner of the whole place, so I could use it once a month. The bar is loud enough, and drunk enough by that time of night usually, that no one seems to notice or comment.”

“What did she tell him you needed it for?”

Remus paused, chip halfway to his mouth. “You know, I haven’t a clue. Maybe Dave thinks mum and I are Pagans or something.”

“I don’t know how one wouldn’t arrive at werewolf by the third month,” Sirius said.

“Muggles don’t think like that, Padfoot. Most people downstairs couldn’t even name all the phases of the moon if you asked, let alone keep track of what phase it will be in tonight. It’s just not relevant to their lives,” Remus shrugged, “and anyway, it took you a full year to figure it out! I had to tell you rather bluntly! It only seems obvious to you in hindsight.”

“Well yeah because when your mate just feels poorly approximately once a month, whose mind jumps straight to werewo-,” Remus pointedly raised an eyebrow, “Ok, so maybe I see your point.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning:  
> Remus is outed unexpectedly w/o his consent. Nothing bad happens, its just to his friends & everything is chill. 
> 
> \---
> 
> Ok, so maybe more than one thing is different in this universe than just peter pettigrew's existence. But who is _really_ to say what differences are due to him not existing and what is due to my fallible, not-even-close-to encyclopedic knowledge of the HP universe? Hmm? yeah, Remus' mom is Maeve and they're the most londony londoners stereotype ever. and yeah, Maeve is a bit of a MILF. No, i dont have a convenient alternate backstory for how Remus got bitten.
> 
> Also- a bare-fronted hoodwink is a joke amongst bird watchers to refer to a bird they 'almost saw' or 'almost captured'


	5. Fifth Years: Lily Evans Falls From Grace

“Evans, if you were to recommend one book to represent and explain all of muggle society, which would you choose?”

Lily looked up from her DADA essay and raised an eyebrow, “Fiction or non-fiction?”

Sirius appeared to consider this as if the answer would determine whether or not he passed his OWLs.  
“One of each, I should think. Preferably written by muggles, or muggle-born.”

Lily’s eyebrow climbed higher, “For non-fiction, are you looking for something on science, art, history, or philosophy? And for fiction, do you want adventure, fantasy, historical fiction, or realism?”

“Okay, so my initial question might not have been very well informed,” Sirius pulled out the chair across from her, got out quill and parchment. “Best give me a list, then.”

After much deliberation and thinking out loud to an enraptured Sirius Black, Lily came up with ten books, five non-fiction and five fiction. Sirius folded the parchment and put it in his pocket (was he wearing jeans under his robes?) and walked away. It was only after she had finished her essay that she realized she never asked him what the books were for.

\----

Remus was awoken early, very early, on a Saturday morning by James shaking his shoulder.

“Muh,” was all he got out before James pressed a finger to his lips.

“Follow me,” he mouthed. Remus first put on his robes- he wasn’t going to get caught who-knows-where-James-was-leading-him (almost certainly detention) in just his pajamas.

“Where are we going?” Remus whispered, at James’ heels, once they had left the Gryffindor commons.

“Think very deliberately about needing complete privacy for a place to spend the rest of the day in.” James said. The Room of Requirement, then. The whole day? They reached the door (the door reached them) and stepped inside. Severus, Sirius, and a bleary-eyed Lily still in her pajamas were waiting, sitting on some pillows on the floor.

“What took you?” Sirius piped up.

“Someone wanted to don his robes,” James rolled his eyes.

Remus didn’t dignify Potter’s snark with a response. “What are we doing here?”

Sirius, James, and Severus all looked between each other with their own nervous tells. Severus sat up straighter, Sirius’ fingers found the fringe on the pillow and began worrying it, and James’ face was an open book, as usual, biting his lip and glancing everywhere except his friends.

“We just thought we’d hang out. For a while.”

“Sirius, you did not have James wake me up at six in the morning on a Saturday to ‘hang out.’”

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. “Boys, what’s going on here? And am I going to lose my Prefect badge over this?”

“No- Lily, you know I wouldn’t,” Severus explained, “We would like to try something that requires the presence of you both, but we aren’t sure if it will work. Please be patient with us. In the meanwhile, there are some games we can play, I think. Maybe you can beat James at Wizard’s chess.”

Lily looked like she wanted to press the issue for a moment, but then just sighed. "No maybes about it, Sev."

After scavenging the room for something to make for breakfast and several chess tournaments, Lily turned to where Severus had just been watching her Queen chop Sirius’ King in half to find him gone. She screamed.

The boys looked over to see a coiled, sandy snake lifting its head up and back away from Lily, who had also scooched away, her eyes wide. Sirius and James had matching awed expressions.

“He’s done it!” Sirius exclaimed. The snake’s tail began to shake, producing a rattling noise and a hiss.

“…Sev?” Lily paused in her attempt to scramble away, and the snake, Severus, seemed to hesitate as well, the rattling became more intermittent.

“Talk to him, Lily!” James said.

“Um,” Lily slowly made to return to the chess board, “Hey Sev, that’s a cool trick. I suppose you’ve been working on this for quite a while. How long have you been keeping this from me?” The snake didn’t make to move any closer, but it’s tail had stopped vibrating and Lily thought it almost looked…ashamed.

“The boys convinced you not to tell me, didn’t they? Well, I would have told you that you were mad, so maybe I understand why. I do think you’re mad.” The snake hissed, and though Lily started to widen again, she thought it almost sounded like a laugh. “Doubt you’ll be able to beat me at wizard’s chess like that though.”

Then the snake was growing, morphing, “I’ll beat you at chess any way, any time, Evans.”

Lily cupped her hands over her mouth, and Severus looked down at his (now human) body.

“Wicked!” James and Sirius said together. They shot him question after question- “What was it like?” “Did you wonder where your legs had gone?” “What were you thinking about right before you shifted to a snake?” “Do you feel like eating rats for lunch?”

Snape gave a suffering sigh, but it was obvious to all of them that he was incredibly proud of himself. Remus, after quietly observing all of this, finally interrupted. “So, you’ve all been trying to become Animagi?” Sirius turned to him and grinned, nodding. “Why?”

And that’s when James explained that werewolves only attack humans (except in rare cases), that the presence of other animals could make a werewolf calmer, the shifts less frenzied. He explained that they needed Remus and Lily there to try it to ‘minimize the risks’ (“What risks?” Lily demanded, “Erm. Let James finish.” Severus straightened his posture) and that they had each spent all last summer with a leaf in their mouths and as much free time and privacy as possible around Hogwarts meditating, training themselves for this.

“Wait,” Remus turned to Sirius, “when I caught you sitting alone in the courtyard and you said you were communing with nature…you were _actually_ communing with nature?”

“Well…yeah.”

“Bloody hell, I thought you’d just barely avoided getting caught snogging Dimitria, and you were too dazed to come up with a better excuse!” Sirius barked a laugh, Remus fell into a fit of giggles, and then Sirius was replaced by a large black dog. This only made him laugh harder, and then he was on the floor, and the dog, Sirius, had come up and started licking his face.

“Sirius- ha, ha- Black, stop that, I know exactly where that tongue has been,” Remus couldn’t stop his laughing fit, this entire situation was just so bizarre. His friends had learned to turn into animals, just for him. Because they thought it might help him. If he stopped laughing he thought he might burst into tears. And Sirius was a _dog_. Sirius was _licking his face_.

“Alright, off!” the dog -Sirius- whined and stepped back. Remus’ thoughts suddenly went back to Lily’s comment. “James, what are the bloody risks you neglected to mention before?”

“Oh. Well, so there might be a chance that, well, really, I don’t think we have to worry too much,” Lily smacked the back of his head, “Ow! Okay, okay. The first time, there’s some risk that the first transfiguration could be…permanent.”

“ _What_.” James winced. Remus didn’t shout, ever, unless you’d insulted his mum. “Are you saying that Sirius may have just turned into a dog _forever_?”

“It’ll be fine! Sirius, change back so Remus knows you’re fine!” The dog - _Sirius_ \- just barked, and bounded up to James, nuzzling his hand until he rubbed his ears. Remus ran a hand through his hair, digging his fingers into his scalp.

Severus laid a hand on his shoulder. “You need to think of him as a human. He’s still Sirius, and he needs you to see that.”

As if he knew his name- oh, maybe he really did- Sirius The Dog left James’ side and stood in front of them, head cocked at that angle the way dogs do when they’re confused. Remus sighed. Think of him as human, okay. Here goes nothing, he thought.

“I think I’m having such difficulty because you act like a puppy even when you’re on two legs,” Remus smiled down at the large black (Black, ha) dog. Sirius stared back up at him, before lifting his front paws off the ground for a moment. Oh, there was Sirius’ trademark comeback. Two legs.

“Really though, the way you look when I won’t share my chocolate frogs could definitely be described as puppy-eyes,” he continued, “sometimes I think you have an aversion to baths, and, well, you are loyal without a fault.”

Sirius shifted into the form Remus realized he much preferred. “Aw, Remus, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!” Remus found himself being hugged, and he sighed to distract himself from his fluttering heart.

“You really ought to bathe more often, you could get fleas.” Sirius pinched his arm, hard, as he let Remus go.

“I guess that leaves just me,” James rocked on his heels. “Any advice?”

Sirius shrugged. Severus shook his head. “It isn’t anything I’d be able to put into words. The closest I would be able to get won’t do. I can’t exactly say ‘think like a snake’, because your animal form will certainly be different. Also, I didn’t exactly know I thought like a snake before it happened.”

“You’re right; that was the opposite of helpful, Rattler.”

“You don’t seriously think I’ll go along with your nicknames as easily as Remus,” Snape was staring (glaring) right at James, so he saw him shift very rapidly into a deer. He took a half a step back before reminding himself it was still James in there.

“Wicked!” Sirius clapped his hands together. He did look a bit like an excited puppy, Severus thought.

“Huh,” was Lily’s reaction to the stag that had appeared in the middle of the room. James trotted back and forth, swinging a head supporting big antlers side to side. “I’ve never given any thought to what animal you would be, James,” Lily admitted, “but I may have…occasionally thought of myself as a doe.”

The stag stopped pacing and looked straight at Lily. She sighed, “You’re going to be insufferable, now, aren’t you?” James, never one to waste time, shifted back to human sporting a wide, boastful smile.

\----

Sirius was splayed out on the loveseat in the common room reading the Communist Manifesto, like some sort of erotic Russian propaganda piece, when Lily found him.

“Why did you ask me about those books?”

“Because I’m starting a book club.” Sirius turned the page, and Lily folded her arms.

“A muggle book club?”

“Yes.” Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes at his short answers. Well, she thought about fighting the urge. That probably counts. Sirius sighed, and indulged her. “It’s for Muggle studies.”

“You still take Muggle studies?” Most students stopped after third year. They came to magic school to learn magic, after all.

“It’s interesting!” Lily raised her hands in a placating gesture.

“Alright, alright. Why a book club?”

“What is this, an Auror interrogation?”

“Hey! I was just _asking_ because, well, you don’t really seem like the type.”

Sirius looked her straight in the eyes with a sneer not all that different from Severus’. “Just because I don’t turn bookish into an entire aesthetic like Moony doesn’t mean I don’t read.”

“You’re right, that was a bit closed-minded of me. Sorry. How are you liking the Manifesto?”

“It’s swell. I’m a communist now.” The thing was, Lily wasn’t sure he was kidding.

Wait, she thought, could this really be part of the normal curriculum? “Why are you starting a book club for Muggle studies?”

Sirius made it look like it was the greatest inconvenience in the world to stick a bookmark in the Manifesto. “Because the new Muggle Studies professor is evil, so I’ve been locking him in the closet during lessons and teaching the class myself.”

After taking a second to process all of that, Lily snapped her jaw closed and took a seat on the floor.

“What can I do to help?”

\----

Remus was weak.

The first full moon with Padfoot, Rattler, and Prongs (James has definitely been spending too much time with Lily, to come up with nicknames like that) had left Remus exhausted. Something they hadn’t foreseen was the possibility that the wolf would want to _play_ with his new friends. All night long. On one hand, Remus was incredibly thankful, because he didn’t hurt anyone- beyond normal rough-housing levels of scrapes and bruises, at least, they were all fine. On the other hand, now he was exhausted and didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with Charms _or_ Sirius’ hair.

Today, there were several small braids seemingly placed at random around his head, and all of his hair was collected in a high up bun with those braided strands sticking out unevenly. It was the perfect balance between ‘making an effort’ and ‘effortless’ good looks. Lately, it seemed almost every day Sirius had done something different with his dark mane. Remus shook his head, as if he could physically dispel the less appropriate thoughts about his best friend, like running his own fingers through the dark mane, down his collar bone... 

He tried again to focus on what Flitwick was saying, only to give up completely when Sirius took out his hair tie and combed his fingers through his hair.

Remus was so, so weak.

Sirius sat in Charms twisting a small section of hair not gathered in a bun into a thin braid. He was debating whether to let Lily know about the Map. It was a risk, because she was a Prefect, with aspirations of making head girl. But after he clued her in to some of the more horrid and completely incorrect stories the professor had been telling them about muggles, she had been completely on board with every plan to keep Professor Thakeray from getting into his own classroom. Even the ones requiring that Lily lie to Dumbledore’s face.

The first few weeks in Muggle studies had been a very unpleasant trip down memory lane for Sirius. Thakeray was spewing all the slander his father used to say about muggles and muggle-born, the lies that Sirius never really believed but still had to unlearn. But he _had_ unlearned them, he thought, twisting a strand of hair around his finger, while some of his classmates- almost entirely from pureblood families who were, like him, curious about a world they hadn’t grown up in- had not made that effort.

He couldn’t let Thakeray poison these students with his bigoted rhetoric. It had taken a week of flirting with Moaning Myrtle to get her to agree to keep him in the bathroom that first time, he would rather not have to do that again. Sirius reached up, letting his hair out of the bun, thinking maybe he should ask Remus about whether Evans could be trusted with the Map. He looked over to try and catch his eye, but Remus had planted his head onto the desk. Probably still tired from the full moon, he thought.

\----

“James, please, don’t walk away!” Lily called to a figure storming away from her into the great hall. Sirius, Remus, Severus, and nearly half of the student body watched as James spun around, fists clenched.

“With my _best friend_! How could you? After all the promises we’ve made to each other,”

“It didn’t mean anything, James! You have my word-” She looked as if she was on the verge of tears.

“Your word means _nothing_ to me! I saw you two sitting on your bed!” Sirius scrambled out of his seat as James’ shouting only got louder.

“James, mate, please, I can explain! What you saw- I- you know I would never, it wasn’t what it looked like,”

“I’ll tell you what it looked like, Black!”

“Just listen for one second!” James crossed his arms, scowling. Behind him, Lily was hiding her face behind her hand, her shoulders trembling. “Okay. Thank you. Lily would never go with anyone else but you, James, you must know that! She was only helping me figure out what to do with my hair, that’s all, I swear, since neither you or Remus or Severus is exactly proficient at a good fishtail, Lily has been showing me different styles and I didn’t _say_ anything because I thought you would start making fun, okay! Which seems stupid now but hindsight is twenty- wait a second, Lily is smiling!”

James’ scowl finally broke into that familiar got-away-with-it grin, and he clapped Sirius on the shoulder. “Oh yeah, Lily told me weeks ago what you two were up to during your little play dates. No worries, mate.”

Sirius gaped at the two of them, “James Potter, you’re an absolute _bastard_ , you git- and you brought Lily down to your level!” At her name, the girl cackled and was wiping her eyes- tears from laughter, not heartbreak. “Good, angelic Lily without a mean bone in even her little finger. You’re a corrupting influence. We should quarantine you- the both of you, Lily, clearly you have already been infected. It’s too late for you now.”

James slung an arm around Sirius’ neck, “You should have seen your face, Padfoot! You were so worried about us, I’m truly touched!”

Lily came around on his other side, cutting off Sirius’ feeble attempt to escape. “We’re still meeting up tomorrow, right? You still haven’t got a handle on a French braid.”

“I hate you both.” But he hugged his friends tight before sitting down.

\----

Lily went to take a swig of Polyjuice from the flask on the desk and found it empty. In addition to letting her conduct class in Thakeray’s place, it had the added benefit of making it look like he had a drinking problem. She had to admit (though not out loud on pain of death) that Sirius had some good ideas.

“But professor, didn’t you say last week that muggles needed their fingers to count? Now you’re saying a muggle invented calculus at the same time as Newton, the prodigy alchemist.”

“Yes, Mr. Bultrode, Leibnitz was a brilliant man in his own right, and this isn’t the only case where muggles have accomplished similar great intellectual feats almost simultaneously with the wizarding community-”

“Professor, your hair is turning red!”

Lily quickly grabbed the flask and fled to the door, almost tripping over her legs as they shortened to her own height, “Class dismissed!”

\----

“You’re _sure_ it’s safe to be down there with him?” Maeve Lupin chewed on her lip, looking between her son and Sirius sitting on the hideous orange couch in the small flat above Davey’s. Remus definitely got his mother’s brown curls, Sirius noticed. He tried very hard not to notice that his tall, lanky friend did not get his mother’s curves.

“Mum, we do it every month during the school year, and the basement is actually more spacious…” Remus would have continued describing the Shack, but he thought it would probably be better if she didn’t know. His mum had the hint of a look in her eye that said ‘I can still owl Dumbledore without magic.’ She considered the two of them and sighed.

“Well, I s’pose we have another night yet, loves,” she eyed Sirius, “you really turn into a dog? On purpose?” Remus ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed, as Sirius nodded and explained again how being a werewolf was different than being an Animagus.

“Blimey, that’s- ha, it’s magic.” Maeve seemed to collect herself before standing up and changing the subject, “Let me hear about school, boys! Give me some magic tales before I start my shift,” as she spoke, she got up to grab the apron hanging on hook on the door, “Where’s your friend with the glasses, James? You’d think magic would help him get his hair to lay flat, wouldn’t you?”

Sirius snickered, and told her, “James has been spending every possible second with his sweet Flower.”

“Lily, his girlfriend,” Remus explained, “I don’t think she particularly likes being called Flower, but it serves her right for all the horribly nicknames she’s put the rest of us through.”

“Young love! Sirius, you’ve got to give me the scoop, my little currant bun won’t tell his mum a thing. Have any girls at school caught Remus’ eye?” Thankfully her back was still turned as she tied the apron around her back, so she didn’t see the raw panic in her son’s eyes. Sirius gave his friend a puzzled look, and Remus rapidly directed three different hand motions along with his facial expression at him that communicated ‘don’t say ANYTHING’ ‘go along with it, make something up!’ and ‘why isn’t this couch made of devil’s snare so I can just sink into it and disappear forever.’

“Erm, sorry Maeve- Ms. Lupin. Not a lot to tell. I’ve already gone through all the pretty birds- girls, in our house. And Remus isn’t keen on having my sloppy seconds, so-”

“Can you please not talk like you’re in the quidditch locker room to my mum?” Remus pleaded, but he was grateful, and Maeve was laughing. When she’d gone downstairs to start serving the pub’s patrons, Sirius fixed his friend with a tilt of his head and narrowed eyes.

“Yes, okay, obviously she doesn’t know I’m not interested in girls! It’s really not that important, and,” Remus tugged a lock of hair, “she already has to deal with a magic werewolf for a son, she doesn’t need a gay magic werewolf. I mean, that just _sounds_ fake.”

“You’re not fake, Moony,” Sirius scooted closer to him on the couch, putting his arm around his shoulders, “and hey, she seems to have adjusted to the magic and the werewolf parts just fine, right?”

Remus just shrugged, tracing the grotesque flower pattern on the couch with a finger, before changing the subject, “Thanks for coming for the moon, by the way. The basement is bigger than the shack, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Moony, I’m not here as a favor. I’m staying for the whole week because I actually enjoy spending time with you. Did you forget how this friend thing works? You’re going to show me muggle London, you have to bring me to a record store and a Tex- o,”

“It’s Tesco.”

“Right, Tes-co, and the only favor I’m doing for you while I’m here is that I’ll only flirt with your mum a _bit_ -” Sirius squawked as Remus shoved him onto the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, correct me if I'm mistaken.
> 
> \----
> 
> This is the book list Lily gives Sirius in my mind:  
> nonfiction:  
> On the Origin of Species, Charles Darwin  
> Walden, Henry David Thoreau  
> Communist Manifesto, Karl Marx  
> A Room of One’s Own, Virginia Woolf  
> The Diary of a Young Girl, Anne Frank
> 
> fiction:  
> Cat’s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut  
> One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez  
> Frankenstein, Mary Shelley  
> Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll  
> Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
> 
> I've actually only read 3 of these. also, the thing about Leibniz and Newton is true, they more or less simultaneously invented calculus through two different methods. And Newton did dabble in Alchemy. He was a weird guy, people didn't understand him and he was a social outcast. So I'm letting the wizarding world claim him.


	6. Sixth Years: The Marauders Have Each Other’s Backs

“Catch me, Rattler!” Even with the warning, Severus didn’t have time to get out of the way before Sirius had jumped on his back, clinging like a clabbert. “Hey, be a mate and distract Slughorn in potions today?”

“Dare I ask why?” 

“…Because my birthday’s coming up?” Severus winced as Black started drumming on the top of his head. He pleaded with his eyes at James and Remus walking alongside them. Remus suddenly found one of the portraits in the hallway very interesting, while James just laughed at him.

“What if I already got you a present?” 

Sirius gasped, “Did you? Oh Severus, you shouldn’t have!”

“Well, good thing I didn’t, then.”

“Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore’s voice came from behind them, “would you please accompany me to office?”

Remus nodded to the headmaster, and said to his friends, “I’ll catch up, meet you outside Potions.” They watched as he followed Dumbledore down the hall. When they rounded a corner, James headed in that direction as well. “Let’s see if Dumbledore’s office has any protections against eavesdropping spells.” Before he’d finished speaking, Sirius and Severus had started to follow him.

“Remus, I’m afraid I have distressing news. Please sit down.” Dumbledore said once they were in his office. 

“What’s he saying?” Sirius asked James, who had apparently discovered that Dumbledore’s office did not have any anti-eavesdropping protections. James hushed him, listening in.

“There’s been an attack at Davey’s,” James repeated, “ _Merlin_. It was a hangout for muggles who knew about magic, apparently. People who had witches or wizards in the family, mostly. Remus’ mum…oh no. His mum is dead.” 

The boys were silent. They settled outside the office on the floor to wait for their friend. It was another half an hour before Remus came out with red-rimmed eyes, almost stepping on Severus’ legs. The boys scrambled to stand, and James wrapped an arm around his friend.

When Remus stayed quiet, Sirius said, “Potions is stupid, let’s go see what Hagrid’s up to,” but Remus shook his head. 

He swallowed and cleared his throat, “I think I’ll just go back to the rooms. I think…I think I’d like to be alone for a while.”

“We’ll bring you dinner,” Severus spoke up. Remus nodded in his direction, eyes wet and pointed at the floor.

\----

That night Remus lay in bed that night wide awake, trying and failing not to think of all the things he hadn’t told his mum. And now she was _gone_. He wiped his eyes with the covers and slowly let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t likely to sleep tonight, he thought, it was already late. The wind was howling so loudly outside. His mum was _dead_. Things were going so well for him; he had a group of friends that didn’t care that he was gay, didn’t care that he was a werewolf- in fact they became animagi to help him through the full moons. It made sense, really, that his mum had to be taken from him, in that sense. The world wasn’t a good place, it was balanced. The good and the bad. The great and the terrible. His mum was dead.

A figure was standing over his bed. Remus didn’t startle. He could immediately make out the shadow of wavy hair that could only belong to his dog-spirited friend.

“Move over,” Sirius said in a low voice, groggily. Remus hesitated, _was he really going to-_ and so he narrowly avoided being crushed as his friend sank into the bed. Sirius threw an arm around his waist and murmured something unintelligible into Remus’ shoulder. 

“Padfoot-”

“Shh, sleep.” Somehow, Remus did.

\----

“How _dare_ they! Can you believe this?”

“Hmm?” James’ head rested on the table at breakfast, which had become him and Lily’s morning routine. After Remus started sleeping in, Severus had eventually grown tired of third-wheeling and now only came to breakfast when Sirius did, once a month. James usually enjoyed his quality time with her, even when he was dead tired. Today was no different, though he would enjoy it considerably more if he actually got to look at Lily’s pretty face. Instead, she had propped a newspaper between them, obscuring the scenic view. 

“They’re saying the attack on Davey’s wasn’t done by wizards! They’re using the phrase ‘muggle-on-muggle crime’, those _bigots_!” She said, fury piercing her words, “You said the place was targeted because it was friendly to muggles who were related to wizards and witches; obviously they need to investigate the type of people that disapprove of that sort of mingling!”

James lifted his head at the mention of Davey’s and reached across the table to take Lily’s hand. “Evans, it’s the _Prophet_ , half of it’s hogwash and the other half is questionable at best.”

Lily shoved the newspaper down onto the table. Her mouth was pursed in anger, but James was surprised to see fear in her eyes. He rubbed circles into the back of her hand, grateful he was allowed to comfort her in this small way. “Hey, Lily, what are you thinking?”

Lily bit her lip, “I’m thinking about the mysterious deaths my parents mentioned in their letter yesterday, all muggles. What if some of them had wizards or witches in the family? My parents-”

“-Are safe, you got an owl from them yesterday. But we can talk to Dumbledore, maybe he can help.” Lily nodded and squeezed his hand. This wasn’t the Lily that James had gotten to know over the past five years. James didn’t like this Lily, the Lily who didn’t have that conviction in her eyes, who looked to the future with apprehension instead of confidence. He hoped Dumbledore had an answer that would return his Lily back to him.

\----

Dumbledore confirmed her worst fears. The mysterious deaths that her parents mentioned- all part of wizarding families: Squibs, or the muggle parents of muggle-born wizarding children; one woman was only the _cousin_ of a wizard. Add that to the attack on Davey’s, with nearly a dozen killed, some only distantly related to witches or wizards, and the report from the _Prophet_ made even less sense. To make matters worse, apparently the Ministry really wasn’t taking any of this seriously, brushing it under the rug and sitting on their wands. 

“Are you really saying that no one else has noticed this pattern and tried to stop it?” Lily asked.

“I am not,” said Dumbledore, turning to James he remarked, “I have heard from Professor Podmore that you are excelling in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Have you given any thought to what you might do when you’ve finished here at Hogwarts?”

James gave the headmaster a blank look at the non sequitur. “I…thought I might try Auror training, actually.”

“Yes, I think you would do well as an Auror, James. A commendable profession, though dangerous.”

“Headmaster,” Lily interrupted, growing impatient, “what is being done to bring these murderers to justice? What is being done to protect people like my parents? Like _me_?”

Dumbledore considered both of them with an indecipherable gaze. “I had wished to wait until your seventh year, at least, but I’m afraid the state of things had escalated more quickly than I anticipated. Lemon drop?” The two shook their heads. The headmaster’s ploy of using candy to alleviate tense atmospheres was not new to them. Dumbledore continued, “Other witches and wizards have, in fact, noticed this trend despite the Ministry’s and the _Prophet_ ’s attempts to conceal it. And like you, they have asked why nothing is being done, to protect their friends, their families, themselves. Because of them, I have started to organize a group of skilled witches and wizards into a regiment called the Order of Phoenix…”

\----

“Lucy, I’ve been thinking about dying my hair.”

Lucius cringed at the nickname, but didn’t bother to look up from his lap, where his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook lay, open to page 394. He didn’t understand why this chapter was included in DADA and not his Care of Magical Creatures class, but he was going to take his NEWTs in both anyway, so he guessed it didn’t particularly matter. He wouldn’t get any studying done, he thought, if people were coming back to the dorms already. He’d taken to eating meals in the dungeon for a while now, he found the food usually tasted better. Usually, no one else was around at this time and he could use it to study in peace, but apparently it was too much to hope for today.

“Why go to the trouble, _Cissy_ , when Potter and his little gang will no doubt hex the whole house bald or blue-haired within the week?” 

“I told you not to call me that.” Narcissa huffed, and sat down next to him on his bed, “And that’s the thing, my hair and everyone else’s has stayed the same for almost two months now. They’ve left us alone for some reason. I figure now is the time, if I’m going to actually have any agency in the matter.”

Two months, thought Lucius, had it really been that long since the last ‘prank’ their house has had to suffer through? “Do you think they’re planning something big?”

“Big? What, afraid you’ll be their main target?” Narcissa asked rather unsympathetically, “I told you, as long as you blend into the background they won’t bother you a bit. Sirius is -or, was- my bloody cousin and he’s completely left me alone since I started here. Really, it was your own fault for cornering that weirdo-”

“Well, why do you think they haven’t done anything?”

“Who knows, who cares. Maybe the mudblood has started shagging all of them to keep them in line. I mean, sure she’s pretty enough despite her genes, but really, how could you stomach it? Lucius, would you ever-”

“Shut up, will you? I’m trying to read.” He really did not want to hear the end of that question. 

Narcissa wasn’t bothered, in any case. She scooted closer on the bed, peering over his shoulder. “Oh, werewolves. They’re dumb, but they can be quite useful- or so my parents say.”

“Your family associates with werewolves?” 

“Of course not, git,” she scowled, lowered her voice, “the Dark Lord has a pet.”

His family had not been among the purebloods ‘invited’ yet to meet with the Dark Lord, and some of his relatives were starting to feel offended. He suspected it was because they were more recent immigrants from France, so their bloodline was seen as more suspect. Though he was in the fourth generation since his family immigrated. Narcissa probably knew more French than he did. He wished his aunt or uncle would swallow their pride and go to Him, Lucius was becoming painfully curious. 

He looked up at her, “And your family knows about this pet, because…?”

Again, Narcissa was insulted. “We’re Blacks.”

\----

Sirius had ambushed him as soon as he got back from quidditch practice that Thursday morning, planning out their weekend already. “We'll check out the Nimbus 500, don't tell me you haven't been dying for a peep at it-”

“I'm staying behind, actually. Got extra work from Podmore.”

Sirius wacked James in the arm in the exact spot he had taken a bludger last week. Sure, it was mostly healed, but it was the thought behind it. “What do you mean you're staying behind? It's Hogsmeade, and this will be the second time you've missed it!” 

“I can't go, Sirius. This is important to me.” 

“Oh, and I suppose it's just coincidence that Lily is doing extra work with Flitwick, and you're not planning to meet up for a shag after you're done with school work? If that's even true.” James practiced schooling his face into a picture of innocence and he was sure Sirius would see straight through it, except he was staring at his shoes, not James’ transparent face. 

“We never see you anymore, Prongs. You're off with Evans whenever you're not in class. I thought the honeymoon phase was over, didn't think you'd leave the rest of us behind.”

Damn, thought James. Even he could read through those wide lines. Sirius thought he was getting left behind. James mentally scrambled for a way to fix this. Sirius was essentially his brother ever since he moved in with the Potters, and it was strange having to keep anything from him. He'd almost let the Order business casually slip at least three times with him that first week. Just a normal, ‘See you later, Padfoot, I'm off to meet with the Order,’ as if he already knew. Because Sirius knew everything else about him. James made up his mind and caught his friend’s eye. 

“Look, it's supposed to be a secret, so don't tell anyone. I mean it. This is dangerous stuff. It has to do with those attacks on muggles…”

\----

“...and so Dumbledore asked us to join the Order of Phoenix. But Severus, if even a whisper of this gets back to anyone, especially a Slytherin with a pureblood family-”

“Please, Lily. A little trust. It’s not like I talk to anyone in Slytherin anyway. But that _is_ a much more plausible explanation for why you would choose to spend practically every second with James.” Lily blushed. “But it's just you and James?”

“Well, there's McKinnon, in seventh year,” Lily started. 

“I meant, Remus doesn't know? Sirius?”

“I told you, it's a secret. I'm not even supposed to be telling _you_ , but it's weird not being able to talk to you about it. And you were getting suspicious, I didn't want you thinking I was avoiding you or something.”

The thought had crossed his mind; she disappeared right after their double potions class twice a week, and now she was skipping Hogsmeade when Severus had invited her to help him find a book about the magical origins of muggle fairy tales. He'd thought she would appreciate his interest in where the two worlds met, after all the effort she put into teaching the muggle studies class last year. He was still somewhat hurt that Lily kept this from him for so long, but he knew Lily. If Dumbledore said not to tell anyone, she would have felt honor-bound.

“I think you should tell Remus.”

“Sev…”

“ _Lily_. If anyone deserves to know, it's him.”

“It's just, Remus isn't typically the fighting type, and this is, that's what it is. It's preparing for a war.”

Severus gave her a pointed look, “Remus isn't typically the fighting type, except when it's about his mother.” Lily's cheeks flushed again, this time with shame. “Tell him, let him make the choice for himself. If you don’t, I will.”

\----

Dumbledore gave the five of them, three more than he should have been expecting, only a cursory glance before settling his gaze on James. “I'm only surprised it took this long. There may be hope for your deception skills yet, Mr. Potter.”

“With respect, headmaster, I only brought along Pa- Sirius. It was Evans with a big mouth, for once- ouch, Lily, that's my foot!”

“Oh, is it?” Lily glared and James stuck out his tongue like they were in second year again. 

Severus wished powerfully that he didn't know these students standing next to him. “How many have you organized, sir, into this Order?” he asked. 

“Let's go meet them now, shall we?”

The irony of it was, they ended up in Hogsmeade after all, above the Three Broomsticks. Severus looked around the packed room, the mix of familiar and unfamiliar faces. There were the Pewter twins, chatting animatedly with two seventh years, Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes. A wizard bearing striking resemblance to the headmaster, DADA Professor Podmore, and a witch he didn't know talked quietly in the corner. The group, overall, was surprisingly young. In addition to the seventh years, there were many faces he remembered seeing in Hogwarts as late as his fourth year, recent graduates, like Fenwick and Longbottom. He'd thought maybe the five of them would stick out, as young as they were, but no one seemed to notice them filing into the room behind Dumbledore until the headmaster spoke. 

“We are welcoming some new members today. It's just as well, the attacks are escalating. Entire families are being targeted, now. Does anyone have intelligence to report?”

“A Slytherin?” McKinnon said with disdain, “Dumbledore, are you sure we should discuss anything with him in the room?” Severus looked around before realizing they were talking about him. He didn’t know when exactly he’d started thinking of Slytherins as “them” but it was certainly not a recent development. He looked down at his robes. Yes, his tie was still green and silver. Unfortunate, he thought, not for the first time. Her copper eyes bore into him- he’d never had the _petrificus totalus_ hex used on him, but he imagined this was what it felt like.

“Severus stays or we all go.” Severus looked back up to James. He was at least a head taller than McKinnon, though the way her eyes bore into him, not intimidated in the slightest, you would be forgiven for not realizing it. 

“I believe Dumbledore asked for _intelligence_ , McKinnon. Not childish house rivalry rubbish.”

“That’s rich coming from you, _Black_ ,” McKinnon sneered, “Your family disowned you for that ‘house rivalry rubbish’!”

“I thought you were against judging people for their families, McKinnon! That’s the whole reason we’re bloody here-” Severus put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder to gently hold him back at the same time Lily smoothly stepped in front of James. McKinnon continued to glare at Severus, and he shivered under the force of it. He really wasn’t use to this much attention focused on him. 

Remus cleared his throat. He stepped closer to McKinnon, away from the four of them. Severus could tell he had aimed a disarming smile at her by the way her shoulders dropped slightly. One day, Severus would ask Remus how he learned to maintain such a calm exterior all the time- or, well, at least 27 days out of 28. “I would trust Severus with my life. In fact, I have, for years, and I’ve never once regretted it. You would be so lucky to have a friend as kind and loyal as he.” 

The room went quiet, and Dumbledore’s typically unreadable expression betrayed surprise and intrigue. McKinnon pursed her lips, but took a small step back, conceding, if not defeat, an allowance that seemed to say ‘we’ll see.’

Severus elbowed Remus in the ribs, “Traitor.” But he had to bite his lip to keep from smiling.

\----

“Luuuuuuucyyyyy”

Lucius paused mid-step in the hall on his way to Care of Magical Creatures. He supposed it was too late to run for it. Narcissa didn’t seem to understand that just because their families arranged them to be married did not mean they actually had to spend time together before the ceremony.

“Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend? We should go together.” She bumped her hip into his when she caught up to him. Narcissa had a flirtatious personality that made some people feel special; she could act with people as if they had known each other for years after a five-minute conversation in a shop. Lucius, who actually had known her for years, just found her to be overbearing and ostentatious. 

“Hmm, no. Studying.” He picked up his pace hoping his long legs would carry him further from her shorter stature, but she skipped -yes, she actually _skipped_ ahead and planted herself in front of him.

“Come on, Lucius. You’re always studying. This will be much more fun,” Lucius doubted that, “and if I have a wonderful time I’ll owl my parents in a wonderful mood, and maybe the Dark Lord will overhear something about what a good time the Malfoys show the Blacks…” 

\----

Severus headed to Care of Magical Creatures alone, one of the few classes he couldn’t manage to get into doubles with Gryffindor. Truly, he didn’t always mind the break. He particularly liked sharing a class with Remus- the boy made an excellent study partner and was diligent at taking notes. But with Remus came Sirius, like a shadow. Severus got along with Sirius but he took up a lot of space, just as a presence, and didn’t mind- no, rather _enjoyed_ drawing attention to himself. This had the consequence of drawing attention to those around him, and the limelight was never a place where Severus was comfortable. With Sirius came James, often enough, which usually helped. James took to Sirius’ excess limelight like a mermaid in water. But this year James was much more focused on Lily, and Severus thought it was the excuse Sirius needed to pay a little more attention to their moon-cursed friend. This meant Severus and Remus hadn’t broken off as much recently, just the two of them, as the quiet ones in the group. He wasn’t really sure what was going on between them, but he was also sure he didn’t want to expel any effort to figure it out.

What he did want to figure out, as he paused mid-step in the hallway, was why Narcissa Black was discussing the Dark Lord on a Wednesday afternoon before class. Having heard her voice before rounding the corner, he paused and cast an eavesdropping spell so that he could hear the conversation more clearly.

“If you think the Malfoys need a good word from your family, maybe the Blacks aren’t as close to the Dark Lord as you think,” Severus could hear the contempt in Lucius’ voice, “He needs the Blacks for politics. He needs _my_ family because of our skills as wizards.”

“And what are the Malfoys going to do for our lord, study muggles to death?” When had his classmates started casually talking about killing muggles? It probably was best that he spent almost all his time with Gryffindors. 

“The Dark Lord trusts my family to carry out important work, eliminating threats so that he can continue making connections, building our forces.”

Narcissa snorted, “What threats? It's not like they can fight back, the wandless weirdos.”

“Are the Blacks so out of the loop that you haven't heard? We're advancing. We're getting stronger. It’s not just defenseless muggles we can take on now.”

“Come off it, Lucius. You can’t actually know anything.” Severus dearly hoped she was right, but Lucius didn’t sound like he was speaking with total false bravado.

“You'll see for yourself. When you’re home for the summer, you can tell your parents how the Malfoys are responsible for one less mudblood sitting for their NEWTs.”

Severus went cold. His mind instantly went to Lily, and he wanted to bolt to the Gryffindor Charms class immediately, just to make sure she was there, that she wasn’t hurt. Lucius had marched off and out of the range of the eavesdropping spell, and it was probably safe for him to follow in that direction to head to class, but he didn’t think even he could stay composed through Kettleburn’s class with Lucius there.

One the way to Dumbledore’s office he went over what Malfoy had said. A student sitting for their NEWTs? Did he mean this year? If so, that couldn’t be Lily, he realized with relief. She had considered taking one or two exams a year early but ultimately decided against it. She was thinking of teaching, after Hogwarts, and she wanted another year to firmly decide on the subject she might want to teach. However, that meant it was a seventh year. There were a fair number of muggle-born seventh years, but the way Lucius said that his family was ‘eliminating threats’… He faltered as he recalled the meeting with the Order, the way Sirius had said the name McKinnon. She could be muggle-born. Remembering the way her gaze seemed to pin him to the floor (granted, her eyes were stunning in both the literal and figurative sense), her suspicion could easily be borne out of fear. As he picked up his pace, Severus could only think, _the war had started_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:  
> minor character death, grief.


	7. Seventh Years: Mischief Managed

The owl landed on James’ shoulder, talons digging through his robes and into his shoulder, “Ow, Merlin, whose bird is this?”

He started to look around, but he immediately saw Sirius, across from him at the Gryffindor table, with a letter in hand. He looked awfully pale, regarded the letter like it might be a Howler. “Padfoot, who’s it from?”

Sirius slammed the letter down on the table and leaned away like it might explode. Facing up at James was the Black insignia. Remus coolly regarded the letter and his friend, “You could burn it. Or I’ll burn it, for you.”

“No,” James said quickly. “There might be something in it we can use against them.”

“That’s very Slytherin of you, James.” Severus raised an eyebrow. 

“More like one of my dad’s lawyers. Come to think of it, I think Ragnhild might have been a Slytherin. She said to keep anything the Blacks sent him.” 

Severus shrugged, “That doesn’t mean he has to read it.”

Sirius was still eyeing the letter like it might physically attack him, so James slid it closer to himself, away from his friend. “How’s this, I’ll read it- not out loud, but you’ll likely be able to get the gist from whatever shows on my face.” Sirius nodded his assent, and James went about breaking the Black wax seal (blimey, did they think they were royalty? Even James’ family didn’t bother with seals). 

Lily sat down just as he unfolded the letter. “This school has _moving staircases_ but there is still always a line at the girls’ room,” she huffed. “What did I miss?” Severus filled her in while James began to read. She watched as his brow furrowed in concentration, then more deeply in confusion. His eyes widen, and she saw his eyes shift up to re-read a paragraph after a moment of pure disbelief. Finally, he set down the letter and burst in laughter. Sirius looked as if James had grown a second head, and Severus was demanding to know what was so funny. He slid the letter over to Severus, wiping tears from his eyes, still catching his breath from cracking up. 

Severus quickly skimmed the letter and pronounced, “Sirius, the bad news is that your estranged uncle has died. May he rest in peace. The good news- which is possibly the most poetically just thing to ever happen to anyone ever, I assume that is why James is laughing- is that he has left nearly all of his estate to you, and it’s- oh. How many zeros is that?” He squinted at the paper and held is finger to the page to count them. Sirius snatches the letter from him to finally read it for himself.

James clapped Sirius on the back, finally coherent enough to speak, “Don’t forget about us common folk when you’re dining with the queen, Padfoot. Really though, you absolutely deserve this. How are you going to blow through it, mate?”

Sirius finishes reading the letter and thinks on it. “I’m going to buy a motorcycle.”

\----

Remus had Lily and Severus studying with him in the library for History of Magic when the chair across from Severus was quietly pulled out. James and Sirius didn’t do anything quietly, and the only other friends of his were already sitting down, but he still didn’t expect to see Marlene McKinnon sitting across from him. Remus was particularly surprised since she had passed her NEWTs and didn’t attend Hogwarts anymore. This could only mean one thing, he thought. 

In a low voice, Remus asked, “Order business?”

But she shook her head. “No. Yes. sort of.” She addressed Severus, “Dumbledore told me that…that you’re the reason my parents are safe.” From what Severus had told them, it had sounded like her life, not only her family’s, was under just as much threat. But Remus supposed that wasn’t something one typically wanted to dwell on. He had heard about the attempted attack on the McKinnon house over spring break last year- but they had been prepared for it, thanks to Snape. Marlene’s parents had been moved to a secure hide-out the week just before. 

Severus did a weird move that was like a shrug and a nod at the same time, like his brain hadn’t decided on one so his body had just tried both. 

“I wanted to say thank you. Couldn’t get any word out over the summer since I’ve been making sure they actually _stay_ safe, hidden. And I thought, well, an owl wouldn’t be enough, for what you did for my family. I was very wrong about you, wrong to judge you based on your school colors. Remus was right. I…I hope that I might be lucky enough to count you as a friend.” Brown eyes looked up at Severus through lashes as McKinnon bowed her head. 

Severus looked a little like he swallowed a fish. After a beat, Remus discretely stepped on his friend’s foot.

“Y-Yes. Friends. I didn’t really, I mean. I was sort of in the right place at the right time. That’s all. Nothing big.” _Nothing big?_ Remus didn’t think Severus had many three-letter-words in his vocabulary, he was usually much more articulate than this. Remus shared a glance with Lily- she was definitely thinking along a similar wavelength, if her barely suppressed smirk was anything to go by. 

She did save her stammering friend though, interrupting with, “How did you get into Hogwarts, Marlene?” Severus’ shoulders seemed to ease a bit as soon as McKinnon looked to Lily.

“Dumbledore. I _am_ actually sort of here on Order business. The library here is the best place for information and the headmaster has got me doing some research in the restricted section. But it’s…it’s tricky, I need to do a fair amount of sneaking around, I need to come and go without people noticing when I’m here and when I’m not.” 

“Severus is quite good at sneaking around,” Remus slipped into the conversation, “He knows plenty of secret passages into and out of the castle. He could show you some.” It was very useful to have the Animagus form of a small animal, like a snake. He ignored the wide-eyed panicked look Severus shot at him. 

Lily, at the mention of secret passageways, started to pack up her things. “As head girl, I’m sure you know I can’t condone any sneaking around and so I’m leaving now secure in the knowledge that I’ve expressed my disapproval.”

“That’d be bloody helpful, actually,” Marlene said with a friendly smile directed entirely at Severus, once Lily had left. Suddenly Remus thought he should be somewhere else immediately.

“I’ve just remembered that I’m a Prefect,” Remus added, also packing up his books and parchment and continuing to ignore the apprehensive glances Severus shot at him, “obviously, I can’t condone or participate in any sneaking either. Have fun you two!”

\----

Back in the dorms, Remus found Sirius fiddling with the record player next to him on the bed that he’d bought off one of a fourth-year muggle born. He’d had to settle since he found out getting a motorcycle was more complicated than he’d originally thought. (“It’s not fair, Moony! This is my dream! They’re crushing my dream!” “I think it’s fair of them to ask that you have a license to ride a motorcycle before they sell you one, Padfoot.”) _Never Mind The Bollocks_ was sitting on his bed, though Remus had no idea when or how he’d procured the album. Sirius had a look of intense concentration, occasionally flitting his wand and muttering, and Remus suddenly felt silly for thinking he might gossip about Severus’ total blundering in front of a girl. He almost turned to leave him in peace, but Sirius glanced up and caught him. He smiled and patted the spot on the other side of him on the bed. 

“What’s new, New Moon?” 

“I just thought I’d take a break from studying,” Remus replied. 

Sirius barked a laugh, “You? A study break without me or James tearing you away from the textbooks? Who are you really, that grabbed a bit of my Moony’s hair and made Polyjuice potion?”

Remus tried very hard not to think about the phrase ‘my Moony’. He told his stomach to stop doing flips, Sirius didn’t mean it like that. “Alright, I’ll have you know that I was being an excellent wingman for Rattler and I smoothly made my exit to leave them alone.”

Of course, Sirius then wanted to hear exactly how it went down with Marlene, and Remus dutifully relayed all of Severus’ delightful failures at trying to talk to a woman, and his skillfully subtle proposal for them to work together. 

“He sounds like James from early Lily days!” Sirius remarked, “Remember that time, I think it was before History of Magic started fourth year, she asked to share his inkwell?”

“And James handed her his quill and told her he loved her!” Remus finished. Sirius’ laughter was beautiful and contagious, And Remus was quite proud for having caused it.

“Look at them now though. A couple of sweet sods. I’ve been relegated to third wheel. I-” Sirius’ smile faltered, “I know the reason you were at James’ this summer is awful, and maybe this is shitty of me to say given that reason, but…having you around was nice. Great.” He slung his arm over Remus’ narrow shoulders.

“That is nice of you to say, Padfoot, but I know I was a bloody dark cloud the whole summer. It was so generous of the Potters to take me in, I honestly wasn’t sure what I would have done. And they were so understanding of my um, furry little problem.” Now Remus was thinking about his mum again, and he cursed himself for ever _not_ thinking about her. How could he have just forgotten that she was gone? Of course, Sirius somehow saw exactly where his head was, even though he didn’t even mention her.

“There’ll never be a woman more spectacular. She loved you more than anything and you know she’d scold you if you refused to be happy just because she was gone.” Remus blinked back tears for probably the hundredth time since she’d been killed. He’d cried in front of Sirius enough times that he supposed it wasn’t really embarrassing anymore, but that didn’t mean he wanted to do it right now. He grasped for a subject change.

“What are you doing to that record player?” 

Sirius’ brow furrowed slightly like he’d forgotten it was there. “Oh, fixing it so it will play without electricity. I had it working, but it’s…temperamental, or something,” he shrugged.

“Oh.” Remus stared at his lap and cleared the wetness from his throat, “Um, how’d you learn you could do that? Make it work without plugging it in?”

Sirius grinned, “That’s what she said. But you know the Prewett twins, how they got a sister? Molly?”

“Yeah, a bit older right?”

“Right, she’s married to Arthur Weasley. He’s a good bloke, very interested in muggle technology,” _like you_ , Remus thought, “He’s trying to get a job in Muggle Affairs at the Ministry. It will be great if he gets it though, good to have someone who doesn’t look down on muggles or wizards with muggle family in that office. Anyway, been exchanging owls with him a bit. He’s helping me get a motorcycle license, don’t tell Molly though.” He winked, and Remus already started to feel in better spirits.

“Is that what you want to do? Work for the Ministry, Muggle Affairs?” For himself, Remus had no idea what he wanted to do. And with all the anti-werewolf legislation, his options were pretty limited anyway. He only knew he couldn’t live on the Potter’s charity forever.

Sirius tilted his head in thought, “I haven’t thought about it. But I could see myself exploring muggle antique shops and rummage sales, looking for cursed objects.”

“Likely buying half the junk there for yourself, too, just for the novelty of it.” Remus leaned into Sirius’ side, since his friend seemed to have forgotten he still had his arm draped over his shoulders. The past hurt to think about, and the future was uncertain, but the present, Remus thought, the present was pretty good.

\----

“…Not rose petals, Merlin’s balls, remember what happened last time!”

Lily went to sit down next to James in DADA, who was sitting next to Sirius, who immediately shushed her boyfriend when he saw her. Lily raised an eyebrow; she was grateful but confused. The boys hadn’t gone to any lengths to avoid discussing pranks around her since their fifth year, much to her dismay, and she often had to remove herself from their presence to keep up Head Girl appearances. In fact, they hadn’t managed much mischief, as Remus liked to say, since joining the Order. They didn’t have a lot of time for it. Whenever they weren’t training like they were Dumbledore’s army, Sirius had taken to spending time with the Prewett twins’ brother-in-law, asking him questions about working in Muggles Affairs, and James was doing extra work with Podmore to prepare for Auror training.

They were growing up, all of them- though particularly poor Remus, and Marlene having that close call surely dregged up a still fresh grief. The Prophet reported attacks practically daily now, though. The whole school was on edge- the students who hadn’t already lost family members were somberly waiting to be called into Dumbledore’s office. Amycus Carrow had been expelled just before Christmas holidays for using the Cruciatus curse on another student, and now his sister was carefully terrorizing other non-pureblood students while ensuring nothing could be traced back to her. They’d had some wins on their side as well, both outside Hogwarts and against Alecto’s band of purebloods (including Lucius Malfoy and Sirius’ former relatives, Regulus and Narcissa), but Order meetings were rife with anxiety, fear that it was only going to get worse. A Potter prank might actually lift some spirits, she thought, provide a distraction. People could pretend things were still normal.

So, the next time she chanced upon the two of them growing very quiet upon her arrival, she smiled at James a little more warmly. James smiled back, but it wasn’t the expected prank-plotting, mischievous smile; it was a smile that said “I love you,” right before he actually voiced the words. For once, Sirius wasn’t making gagging sounds next to him. They really were growing up, bittersweet though it was.

James’ answering smile was blinding, “I love you too.”

\----

Sirius found Remus lying in bed with a book. It was two days after the full moon, and Prongs had jabbed him pretty roughly in the stomach (“Sorry about that, mate. You’re getting stronger, and Padfoot was being a berk to you, nipping at your legs,” “Was not!” “It’s alright, Prongs. Better me than you.” “Moony, no!” “Moony yes. I heal faster. Sirius, be quiet, I’m trying to sleep.”) so he had an extra day off classes to recover.

Sirius jumped on the bed next to him, laying his cheek on Remus’ shoulder. “What are you reading?”

“A muggle book,” he said, but he stuck his bookmark in it and set it down on his lap. Sirius loved attention from anyone and everyone but having Remus’ undivided focus was objectively the best. 

“I know muggle books! What book?” Remus held up _The Shining_. “What genre is it?”

“Horror.” Sirius didn’t really understand Remus’ taste in books. His own -for muggle literature, at least- tended to stick to non-fiction, particularly biographies, as a lot of the fiction seemed exactly the same as wizard novels, and there was nothing interesting in that. The lives of individual muggles, though, was fascinating. How they lived in a world without magic, the similarities with the wizarding world despite the lack of magic, were remarkable. He’d even found a few books that were written by muggles unknowingly about wizards. The way they explained magical phenomena without magic was always creative. But Remus liked murder mysteries, thrillers, suspense, and apparently there was a genre just for ‘Horror.’ How horrible, he thought. He snickered at his joke and said it out loud, knowing the eye-roll was coming. Remus lifted the shoulder he had been resting on as punishment (ha, _pun_ inshment) making Sirius pout. Suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into his head. 

“Remus, I want to ask you something.” 

Eyebrows shot up in surprise and intrigue, “Uh oh, you used my given name. You must be… _serious_.”

Now it was his turn for an eyeroll. “Shut it, I was just remembering our talk last week, about what I’m doing after school. What are you going to do? What NEWTs are you even planning on taking? Dark Arts, right? Not Charms, of course.”

Remus looked down and his fingers fiddled with the pages of his book. A habit picked up from the boy sitting on his bed, of course. Sirius heard him mumble something that sounded like ‘herbology’.

“Come on, what do you want to do with it?”

Remus looked up sharply, eyes narrowed, voice cutting into Sirius’ eardrums, “What will I _do_? Padfoot, I’m a registered werewolf and we’re on the brink of war. I’m not going to have a _career_. What I’m going to ‘do’ is work for the Order and survive off of whatever charity Dumbledore is willing to give me!” He made to get off the bed and run off, but Sirius caught his wrist before he got more than a step. He stood up and pulled the taller boy into him, wrapping his arms tightly around him and tucking his head under Remus’ chin.

Sirius felt him push against his chest, “You can’t fix everything with a hug! People are still dying, people are still dead-” his voice cracked, and Sirius just squeezed harder.

“I know, sh, I know. We’ll figure it out.”

“Right, except maybe we won’t,” he said into Sirius’ hair.

“We will, Moony. You’re not alone.”

\----

“The rest of us can only take so much of those sad puppy eyes, you know.”

Remus opened his eyes and looked up from where he was laying naked on his side on the cot in the Shack. Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar and tossed it next to him, as had become mostly routine with them the morning after the moon since third year, unlike the conversation opener. 

“Thanks,” Remus croaked out, picking up the chocolate. 

“Don’t think you can get out of this by sounding pitiful and weak, Moony.”

“I _am_ pitiful and weak,” the werewolf mumbled. 

Severus rolled his eyes, “You did nothing but chase your own tail for half the night! Though I suppose that is sort of pitiful,” Remus groaned with, presumably, embarrassment. Severus continued, “Whatever the dog did, he’s clearly sorry for it. You usually don’t take this long to forgive him, was it really that bad?”

His friend cautiously rolled his shoulders, and slowly pushed himself upright so that he was sitting on the cot. He gripped the edge of it, head down, seemingly taking stock of where he could feel any injuries. Gradually, his shoulders loosened, and he looked up again at Severus, who was watching with a raised eyebrow. 

“I’m a grower, not a shower,” Remus growled. His friend rolled his eyes but dutifully handed him a robe and averted his eyes. Unfortunately for Remus, just because he wasn’t looking at him didn’t mean he wasn’t going to talk to him.

“Even James has noticed that you’re angry with Padfoot. What did he do, and how much longer does he have to beg for you to take him back?” Severus could hear Remus stumble behind his back while getting dressed. 

“That’s not- we aren’t. It’s too damn early for this, Merlin,” he grumbled.

“Severus is fine. Or Rattler, if you prefer.” 

“Why are you being such a berk this morning? Go bother someone who didn’t have their skeleton shift into a rabid canine’s.” The end of his sentence was muffled by cloth over his head, it sounded like.

“Guess that means I won’t be chatting with Sirius for a while,” Severus ignored Remus’ groan, “Stop avoiding the question. Why are you mad at him?” It sounded like Remus had finished dressing, so Severus turned around to face his friend, who was fiddling with his tie. 

“Did you know James is going to ask Lily to marry him?” he said, not looking up from the red and gold fabric.

“Of course. He asked if he could rehearse his proposal with me. I told him to bugger off, but I figured that wouldn’t stop him. But we’re talking about _you_.”

Remus wiped his hand over his face, “He wants me to move in with him.”

“I assume you aren’t implying James has invited you to be their third?” Severus thought he was being extremely clever, and sincerely wished someone else was there to appreciate his wit. Remus’ reactions were undeserving of his efforts at humor. He just groaned, but finally launched into a litany titled ‘Reasons Why Remus Lupin and Sirius Black Living Together is a Bad Idea,’ occasionally pausing to munch on the chocolate bar. The list lasted all the way to the end of the tunnel, to the Whomping Willow, and was greatly embellished and over-exaggerated. 

“Moony, do you _want_ to move in with him?” Severus asked when he was finally through.

“What I want has nothing to do with it! As I said, I won’t be his charity case-”

“Lupin, shut up, for Merlin’s sake. Why do you think Padfoot asked you to move in with him? Because he’s some kind of philanthropist, and wants to, I don’t know, sponsor a werewolf? What do you think Sirius wants? What do you think he imagines when he pictures the perfect life, one year from now?” His friend shrugged, and almost tripped over a root sticking out of the ground. Severus’ eyes sure were getting a workout this morning. “Dunce. He pictures the two of you, probably in a sickeningly-sweet domestic scene eating breakfast together, with _you_ , before heading off to work or something. Then coming home to see you, every day, for the foreseeable future. That would be Sirius Black’s dream come true.”

Quietly, Remus started, “But he’s not…” Severus just scoffed. He personally did not understand how Sirius was still blind to how he felt, how they both felt about each other. Half the school thought they were already shagging. How was it, exactly, that Sirius was so good at reading everyone but himself?

Remus again attempted to change the topic, and this time he let him. “What are your plans for after graduation, then?”

“I’ve got a Potions apprenticeship, actually. I’m going to be apprenticing under Damocles.” Remus didn’t closely or consistently follow the latest innovations in Potions mastery, but he was still a werewolf. He stopped walking and grabbed Severus’ arm. If Severus had known what was coming, he might have bolted. Instead, the werewolf caught him by surprise and for the first time probably ever, Remus Lupin was hugging him.

“Erm. I’m only doing it-”

“Shut up, Rattler.” After another second, Remus let go and awkwardly stepped away again.

They walked back to the castle in silence. As they reached the doors, Remus broke the ambiance of contemplation and awkwardness that had formed, “So, do you imagine eating breakfast in a ‘sickeningly-sweet domestic scene’ with McKinnon?” 

Severus vowed that he would look for new friends immediately. But not really.

\----

James was pacing back and forth in front of Madam Puddifoot's. Lily ought to be back from her Apparition test by now, surely, he thought. There’s no way she got splinched. She was brilliant, she probably didn’t even feel sick. She was amazing in every way, come to think of it. There was really no reason he should be worried, he told himself sternly.

Well, except for maybe the small box in the pocket of his robes. He gripped his pocket, the box inside, for probably the hundredth time in the past five minutes. He knew it was cliché, that everyone took their dates to Puddifoot’s, but Lily actually liked this place, they came here a lot, and it had been the location of their first date. Their first date had been so awkward though, he thought suddenly. He’d gone on a ten-minute nervous tangent about Quidditch and the scone she ordered had been slightly burnt. Maybe this was a bad idea, why didn’t he remember how terrible that date was before now? What if all she thought about was burnt scones when he asked her to-

The door to Madam Puddifoot’s chimed, and he jumped.

“What are you standing out there for, Jamie? Come on, I grabbed us our usual table.” Lily’s voice put him at ease and at the same time made his heart pump faster. He steeled himself and followed Lily through the door, thinking he was almost certainly going to throw up when it was time for his own Apparition test if he was this nauseous already, but that it would be worth it if she said yes.

(She said yes.)

\----

“Are you sure? There’s no rush, you know. My dad will miss having you around to help with the cooking. And I think mum might try to physically block Remus from leaving the house until he’s gained a stone.” James leaned against the wall just outside the great hall, where they would be meeting the others soon enough.

Sirius smiled at his best friend. “Prongs, we’re sure. It’s going to be great, I still have a ton saved from my uncle, and a friend-of-a-friend of Davey’s found us a cheap flat in muggle London so that we can lay low until I get a job at the Ministry and you finish your Auror training. Remus really just needs a home base between the excursions Dumbledore is planning to send him on for a while, and whenever he’s gone I’ll live in yours and Evans’ pocket, so don’t expect an extended, uninterrupted honeymoon. Or, I guess it won’t be Evans for much longer, will it?” James beamed, momentarily distracted from mothering him with thoughts of his fiancé. “Really, we’ve made use of your parents’ charity long enough. Time for these little chicks to spread their wings.”

“It’s not charity when you’re family, Padfoot,” James protested, as Remus and Lily walked up to them.

“The old divide-and-conquer, I see,” Remus said teasingly, “I gave you up immediately of course. Prisoner’s dilemma, Padfoot, I had no choice.” 

Lily smacked his arm and linked hers with James’ to lead them into the Great Hall, where Severus was already sitting at their table waiting for them. “Flower, I was just informing Padfoot that you have brothers. I know you always wanted brothers. What’s mine is yours, and I’ve been brothers with these fools since first year. It’s unbreakable, we’re a powerful magical brotherhood.” Sirius remembered the spit-covered hand and had to disguise a snort of laughter. Yes, he thought, powerful magic indeed. He saw a similar expression of amusement in Remus’ eyes when he glanced up at him.

“Maybe I’ll finally get a- what did you call it? An unbreakable sister, if Marlene sticks around.” Lily smiled at the thought, “We just wanted to be sure you both know what you’re doing, because James is right. You’re my family too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, lmk if I should include some.
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> Yeah, another minor change to the HP universe is that Molly is older than her brothers. in this universe the original Order are all so dreadfully young.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm working on the next work in the series, it will take place starting around Halloween 1981. I've only got the first chapter written all the way through right now though, and then outlines for the next 3 or 4 chapters. Also I have the vaguest ideas for a 3rd in the series but idkwe'llsee

**Author's Note:**

> Update 2018-08-18  
> I'm right at 20k words so far in the sequel. It will probably end up being around 25-30k, similar length to this one but fewer chapters. but yeah, this series is definitely not abandoned. It just takes me a while because i sort of think of the plot as im writing it, and then I gotta go through and check for continuity and all that. I'm also taking my time, doing a ton of research just because i can even if none of it ends up in the story. So, sorry if I can't say when it will be done. could be a week, or a month, or 3 months. Comment with your fic writing tips and tricks, if they're good maybe I'll be able to write faster ;)


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